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The first people the Huffanator encountered when he entered Big Fun was Matthew and Shira. He immediately focused on Shira, since it was not common for him to find Jews in the social circles which he frequented, and as a Nazi, he felt an obligation to oppress Jews whenever possible and carry on the work left unfinished by the Third Reich. But when the Huffanator launched into unseemly anti-Semitic rhetoric, Matthew took offense and told him to leave Shira alone. This sort of response was evidently exactly what the Huffanator was looking for, since he experiences a certain dirty feeling of shameful unchivalrousness when he bullies women, even if they are Jewish. The Huffanator turned to Matthew and called him a faggot, one of his few (though oft-heard) stock insults. Matthew replied by saying, "yeah? well why'don'tcha come kiss me then?" The Huffanator is unaccustomed to being insulted in so straightforward a manner, so he leapt at Matthew. A scuffle ensued, a table was knocked over, and no one really knows how or why, but the Huffanator decided to depart. Matthew's injuries consisted of a few small wounds above an eye, where the Huffanator had hit him with ring-adorned fingers.
The next day, when Ray and the Gus told the tale of the skirmish, they derived a certain delicious satisfaction in telling people that Matthew had kicked the Huffanator's ass. Sara Poiron and Jessika were appalled that they were telling the story in this way; the girls had no interest in experiencing any more of the Huffanator's wrath.
S |
When Jessika got off work that day, she alerted her friends to the impending attack. Morgan Anarchy and the Gus thought it best to assemble an arsenal of clubs, metal rods, baseball bats and other blunt implements to defend themselves, whereas Matthew Hart expressed his desire to just shoot the Huffanator and get rid of the problem once and for all. As the principle target of tonight's promised aggression, he didn't want to invest the time and effort necessary to deal with the Huffanator in any but the most drastic of ways. He wanted to drive home and get his dad's gun, or else go to Deya's place to get one of her parents' guns.
The defenders stopped at the Downtown Mall on the way back to Big Fun and picked up an assortment of iron rebar and other makeshift weapons from the construction site of the new ice park then under construction. They also picked up a bottle of wine on the way out of town.
Big Fun sat enshrouded in darkness that night, but the defenders waited quietly within, ready to leap upon any possible aggressor: Nazi, skinhead, or supporting task force of redneck dunderheads. Anything seemed possible.
Finally a pair of headlights was sighted coming slowly down the driveway. This was an eerie vision to behold, since almost all the Big Fun regulars were known to come down the driveway at breakneck, alignment-maladjusting speed. The defenders grabbed up their weapons and went out to taste the blood of the enemy.
But it was just Deya. The defenders offered her some vino and continued with their vigilance, which grew weaker by the hour.
At a certain point they realized the attack was never going to materialize, so they moved on with their lives.
Read about more incidents with tough guys, Nazis, skinheads, dunderheads and their lackeys.