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in hopes of reaching a vein of chipmunk
Monday, June 2 2003
I decided that all the naked rocks of my new ditches need the softening effects of biology, so I began another massive moss planting. I found one spectacular rock in the woods that was upholstered with four or five different species of moss, and I brought it home. But I can't really find a good place to put it.
Meanwhile Sally was undertaking a massive excavation in hopes of reaching a vein of chipmunk. She managed to get her face as dirty as I've ever seen it, and like any proud parent I had to take a picture. I'm horrified whenever I see pictures of smiling babies with chocolate cake all over their faces, but I think this is adorable:
It's not something I'm proud of, but every now and then I get a craving for KFC. Today was one of those occasions. So Sally and I drove out to the KFC on Albany Avenue and I got a box of four pieces of the deep-fried mystery creature whose name begins with a "C." Chipmunk perhaps? From my experience walking Sally in Prospect Park, I know that she likes KFC every bit as much as I do, so I gave her a "wing." (Or was that a flipper?) I've heard that it's very bad to give a dog cooked bones, but she's eaten enough of them in her life to build a whole brachiosaurus skeleton.
Next I went to Lowes to get some supplies for building a device for watering high-hanging plants. The sun was so bright and the day was so warm that I decided to bring Sally into the store with me and not leave her to cook like a pot roast in the truck. (I was also proud of all the dirt on her face and had a strange urge to show it off.) Despite her nasty appearance, Sally was a big hit there, and most of the employees didn't care, but there's a Daniel R. Reitman on every staff, and one of them told me she had to be on a leash. I simply shrugged and said I didn't have one.
Snitchreport.com, the satirical site put together over a year ago by Fandango Matt and me, hasn't changed in all these months, but the points it was making then are still relevant today. It's been receiving renewed attention from the nutty conspiracy site whatreallyhappened.com. A few days ago they posted a link to the SnitchReport home page, and yesterday they posted one to the "Just for Kids Section." For a little blast from the past, check it out, and be sure to play a round of terrorist dressup. As an added incentive, I'll have you know that there's a way to make the terrorist completely naked, and (furthermore) that's my body. Unfortunately, back when I posed for that picture (in January 2002), I'd been living like a veal for a few months and wasn't exactly Mr. Universe. One final caveat: back then I had yet to respond to any of the helpful emails offering to add as much as three inches to my prick. And I'd yet to receive the 26 million dollars from an imprisoned Nigerian finance minister that made me the idle rich man I am today.
I've been meaning to post this link for awhile and I keep forgetting. See some pictures taken by Gretchen's father at our wedding back in mid-May.
For linking purposes this article's URL is:
http://asecular.com/blog.php?030602 feedback
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