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outhouse site
Monday, September 21 2009
After much deliberation, I finally arrived on a site for my outhouse, the place where I will keep a collection of reading materials and where, on a perhaps daily basis, I will separate myself from encapsulated units of entropy, thereby retaining the low entropic levels necessary for continued biological survival. And instead of mixing my biological wastes with potable water and consigning them to a subterranean gravel bed, I will allow them to decompose semi-ærobically in a 32 gallon high density polyethylene trash can. After a summer of experiments of the sort we were brought up not to perform, I'm confident I can build a pleasant crapatorium that will actually have a fragrance superior in quality to that of a conventional flush-based bathroom (well, better in the "after being used by my brother" test at least).
I've decided to place the outhouse just to the north of the steps leading down to the greenhouse. There was a nearly-perfect spot between the tall trees the steps pass among that was big enough for a four by four foot structure. I say nearly-perfect because this spot is somewhat threatened by the diseased White Pine just north of the house, and should it ever fall there is a chance it could smite the outhouse (though it could also land on the greenhouse, the east deck, or even the laboratory part of the house itself).
There are two advantages to putting the outhouse near the greenhouse. The first is that I will be visiting the outhouse daily, including in the winter time, and this will compel me to go to the vicinity of the greenhouse, where I will need to go occasionally to attend to the plants. The other advantage is that I will have a steady source of rich fertilizer for the plants I'll be growing. Don't worry, I'll compost the poo poo thoroughly first (or at least I'll tell people that I did should it come up when they're eating my February tomatoes).
I began clearing the site of the outhouse by cutting down a hickory sapling that was as thick as my arm and fifteen feet tall. Then, using a pair of needled-nosed pliers and tin snippers, I started pulling out all the brambles and thorny vines (dewberries and roses mainly) so I could walk around in the site comfortably barefoot (this is an important thing to me). Finally I began digging the hole where the northwest corner of the greenhouse will be. (The outhouse will be framed upon four pressure-treated four by fours set vertically in the ground.).
As I was digging the hole (using a mattock mostly), a bleary-eyed garter snake stuck his head out from under a nearby rock. I used a stick to poke him and encourage him to move on somewhere else, as his head was in the way of my excavation. The stick wasn't much of a provocation; he looked at me, cocking his head slightly and flicking his forked tongue, seeming to ponder the situation without aggression or fear. It had been cool under that rock and his blood temperature was low, so he couldn't really arrive at decisions very quickly, but eventually he slithered away, relying almost entirely on tiny muscular contractions that allowed his belly scales to serve as a tractor tread. He was only about six inches long.
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