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fire in the hole
Wednesday, June 24 2015
The day began more or less down in the brownhouse with diarrhea. I didn't think much of it; my diet doesn't make for particularly solid stools to begin with, and for the last couple days I've been on something of an IPA bender. (Lagunitas Equinox and Victory DirtWolf have been two great recent discoveries, again, bought by my childhood friend Nathan during his recent visit.) I didn't know my diarrhea was going to be a problem until it hit me less than an hour later while I was walking the dogs in the forest. I forced to drop down from the Stick Trail to a place with more available loose rocks, since (for obvious reasons) you always have to immediately bury your shit when hiking with dogs. There weren't any good ways to wipe, so I continued down into the Valley of the Beasts until I came upon the tiny brook that is often flowing where the Mt. Goat Path crosses it. It was flowing powerfully today due to recent rains, and it provided a good way to tidy up my ass.
Later in the day, I was hit by several attacks of diarrhea, with each being more painful than the one before. The problem was that my food was moving through me so quickly that stomach acids didn't have time to be neutralized. Combined with the concentrated heat of incompletely-chewed slices of jalapeños, my asshole was lit up with every visit to the brownhouse. I was in such pain afterwards that I would stagger back to the house. Interestingly, though, it always hurt more to lie down than it did to stand. It would take a good fifteen minutes before the pain would subside, though of course another defecation was never far in the future. By the way, there was no way I could wipe my ass when it was aflame like that, so instead I either stuck my ass over the excavation in the greenhouse basement or over a bucket of water pulled up from there and gingerly sloshed water into my asshole.
I don't have any good theories on what was causing the diarrhea, though I suppose it could have been all the fresh lettuce I've been eating from the garden. I rinse it off thoroughly, but the cats are known to use the garden as a litter box, so it's possible they've infected me with something. (My humanure and/or dog shit is not a suspect since I haven't added any sort of fecal material to the soil anywhere near this particular crop of lettuce for over a year.)
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