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dysphoria and severe acid reflux
Sunday, November 24 2024
location: rural Hurley Township, Ulster County, NY
I made myself a french press of coffee this morning, though the only I kind I have on hand containing caffeine is a weird flavored coffee that I'd bought on a whim and that I don't much like.
While Gretchen was off walking Charlotte, I went down to the stone wall I've been building at the bottom of the Woodshed Trail and continued work on that, since it gives me enormous satisfaction (even if it doesn't really accomplish anything useful). Today I put an emphasis into building up the east end of the wall, where it gradually dwindles down to something you can step over. In proess of doing that, I also connected the parts of the wall that were punctuated by several trees, choosing to build connecting wall on the south side of those trees. In the course of several prolonged visits, I handled so much rock that the tips of my fingers started getting sore and I could feel the muscles in my back complaining about all the stooping I was doing.
Later in the day I started feeling ill, both in my stomach, which kept experiencing such severe acid reflux that I went directly for baking soda instead of antacids. I also could feel a general dysphoria clouding my emotions. This has happened before, and I know what it is: I've been drinking too much, mostly at the cabin. My personal drinking rules put no limit on what I can drink there, and it's poisoning me. Last night my rules said I could drink, and the diphenhydramine wasn't really working. So I had it in mind to drink a lot. But at some point I realized I wasn't even enjoying it, so I just stopped. I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but all too often it's just signifier that I am having fun even when I'm really not. And if the price for that not-fun feeling is feeling like I did today, what really is the point?
Gretchen's parents would be arriving tomorrow, so Gretchen spent much of the day preparing various foods in the kitchen. At some point she also ran a tray of stuffed noodles over to our tenant on the second floor of the Downs Street mansion, the woman whose husband recently died there.
Using Bittorrent, I downloaded all the seasons of Alone and have been watching them while tinkering in the laboratory (particularly while tracking down what 12v-to-5v converters I have in my extensive collection of small electronic modules). It's a great show, but I really hate the wildlife murdering scenes. I know, it's impossible to survive on plants alone in their bleak environments. But the creatures just want to live and do their thing.
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