Your leaking thatched hut during the restoration of a pre-Enlightenment state.

 

Hello, my name is Judas Gutenberg and this is my blaag (pronounced as you would the vomit noise "hyroop-bleuach").



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   lost Volvo keys
Friday, November 20 1998
Kim called me in the early morning at work (while I was busy not participating in Human Development) to ask me if I had her car keys. She couldn't find them, and she'd checked everywhere. She'd even walked back to her car where we'd parked it last night on Sunset Cliffs Blvd., and though the car had still been there, the keys hadn't been. She was freaking out and I found myself telling her to calm down. Eventually she gave up and took a taxi to work, the Victoria Rose mansion of massage downtown.
Towards the end of the day at work, the weekly motivational event known as "Energy" was upon us. Since this week had been one of bad energy and energy loss, I thought it best not to participate; either I'd say something really disingenuous or else I'd give everyone a piece of my negativity. So I snuck out kind of early (5:30 pm in other words) and bicycled home.
Kim still hadn't found her keys. So I personally went over the house yet another time, looking especially hard in the very few places the keys might have been as well as almost all the places where the keys couldn't possibly be. There would have been no reason for the keys to be in the potted plants, but I checked in the potted plants. There would have been no reason for the keys to be stashed behind the Compact Disks. But I checked back there at least twice. Other unlikely places I searched included the "medicine" cabinet (as well as the medicine cabinet), the complete insides of the refrigerator, and back behind the refrigerator. Then we went out with a flashlight and retraced our way back to the car, me looking up in trees on the odd chance that some vaguely benign pedestrian had placed them out of the viewfield of any but the most ardent searcher. But the keys were nowhere to be found.
Kim ended up going out for wine with her older body work friend, Heather, and they discussed possibly going into business together. They have complementary Neuro-muscular expertise, though Heather is into the more esoteric, sadistic extremes of the profession, and has been showing Kim some of her disturbingly painful techniques.
In the evening Kim gave me a complete massage, though she's never very happy with the amount of gratitude I express for such things. After she was all done with me and all I had to say about it was how greasy I felt, we almost launched into one of our many fights. But we ended up having unexpectedly good sex instead. Surprisingly, at 30 I'm not too old to learn unexpected things about male sexual capabilities. Did you know that a man can have an orgasm and happily keep on going? No, I didn't either, but it's true.


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