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August 17 1998, Monday


oday I succeeded somehow in falling into my preferred lifestyle: sitting for hours on end in front of the computer. Kim went away at times to run errands and meet up with people she'd promised to visit.

In the evening the plan was to go northeast to Spunky Lisa's parents' place on Orchard Lake to go swimming. But then Lisa called and said she was sick. So Kim wanted to go see a movie instead. At this point I asserted my preference for not going out every blessed night. I explained that I really don't go out that much when I'm on my own and that I can entertain myself plenty on a computer, doing art, or (god forbid) reading a book. I do not need diversion, I make my own with a minimum of fuss and expense. I said she was welcome to go out if that's what she wanted to do. My main concern was that she didn't feel abandoned. But I was also concerned at my perceived need to feel concern that she not feel abandoned. She's been telling me all along that she's an independent woman who has her own projects that need doing.

She told me that in general she does like to go out a lot, to see movies or whatever, and she'd sort of had the notion that I needed to be entertained while I'm here, devoid of most of my usual connections. "No," said I, "I most certainly do not need to be entertained." So she went off to the movies by herself.

This conversation was more awkward than it could have been. I found myself staring vacantly at a AAA road map of Tennessee, trying to distract myself with geography. I wanted to know why the western border along the Mississippi followed the strange course it did, and why, in the New Madrid area, a little piece of Kentucky is completely surrounded by a swath of Tennessee and a penninsula of Missouri coming down from the north. I was feeling surprisingly miserable given the fact that Kim and I had actually come to a sort of understanding.

In the evening, though, after a little vodkatea and satisfactory internet-based accomplishments, I was feeling completely restored.

one year ago
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