a list of things about me:- I have sexual dreams about chickens on occasion.
- My butt itched for months after I lived at Big Fun.
- My IQ is 105.
- My SAT score was 1020.
- I graduated 12th in my class of 100.
- I asked 40 different girls to go to the prom with me, but I didn't go.
- My first thefts were candy bars stolen from a Grand Union when I was four years old. My mother caught me with candy wrappers later at home.
- I first used the Internet in 1987. There was no unified domain name system or Internet mail protocol in those days.
- I once failed Spanish for a report card period.
- I wet my bed until I was 10, my mother wet hers until she was 13, her father until he was 21. It's a family curse. I also once wet my bed when I was 21 when I was sleeping with a girlfriend.
- I routinely received Cs in art, typing and physical education.
- I've taken LSD once, psychedelic mushrooms once, smoked hundreds (but not thousands) of dollars worth of marijuana, drank thousands of dollars worth of alcohol, and drunk many dozens of ounces of Tussin DM. I've never tried cocaine, heroin, amphetamines, Xanax or Prozac, although I have used opium, morphine and various prescription medicines. I've smoked less than fifty cigarettes in my life.
- I've spent less than 70 dollars on marijuana in my life.
- I've never sold any drugs.
- I've never knowing transported marijuana larger than a quarter ounce, although I once carried a marijuana plant in the trunk of a car through West Virginia. On that trip a suspicious cop interrogated me in a parking lot in Elkins, and I was so naïve that I wasn't even frightened.
- I know someone who knows someone who knows Bill Clinton.
- I know two people who knew Carl Sagan.
- I'm a direct descendant of the first governor of Massachusetts and also Charlemagne, but not Adam or Eve (my ancient ancestors came exclusively from the Land of Nod; see the Old Testament).
- In 1986 I won first place in the Psychology Division for a paper submitted to the Virginia Junior Academy of Science. It was entitled "The Effect of Repeated False Aerial Alarms on Female Chickens."
- I like Paula Abdul much better than Madonna.
- During most of my adolescence, the only music I liked was late 60s-early 70s psychedelic rock and roll.
- I once tried to teach a dog to say the word "umbrella."
- When I was in college, a girl once sat in my lap and whispered in my ear that we should go have sex. I told her no. I was a virgin at the time.
- I've had intercourse with 17 different women. For four of those women, we only had intercourse once.
- The most orgasms I have ever had in a 24 hour period was five. I think I tried once for six and got bored and quit. This was all masturbation of course.
- I have never gone on a traditional date, nor have I ever used a phone to arrange a romantic evening with a woman living in my town.
- I've been asked on occasion "why don't you date?" The best answer might be, "because I don't know how."
- I don't usually practice safe sex.
- I've never had a sexually transmitted disease, nor have I ever impregnated anyone.
- I've kissed more than thirty women in a non-platonic fashion.
- My first computer was a VIC-20. It had three kilobytes of RAM. I wrote a character editor for it in BASIC, and this program had many features that would later appear in Adobe Photoshop.
- I do not like horses. I like dogs, but I prefer the attitude of cats. I also like chickens (roosters especially for their over-the-top parody of macho behaviour).
- In general I relate better to women than men. I get along well with lesbians. I do not get along very well with over-sexed heterosexual women.
- I usually regard strong emotional attachment as weakness.
- Michæl Bolton, a Pisces, once opened for Ozzy Osborne.
- I do not understand and I do not like Jazz, Blues, Opera, and Musicals.
- I'm convinced that real life is more like a Musical than it is like most movies that try to reproduce reality without the actors breaking into song.
- I understand and occasionally enjoy Rap, Punk and Techno, but do not like to listen to it for long periods.
- I still like speed metal, especially when it slows down.
- Seventies pop music causes me more nostalgia than any other genré
- I can listen to REM, Dead Can Dance, early Moody Blues, Leonard Cohen, Sebadoh and Guided by Voices in endless loops while I sleep.
- Some of the items in this list are lies.
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