April 20, 1994
The Staunton Leader
P.O. Box 59
Staunton, Va. 24401
I derive a great deal of pleasure from the increasing pace of development in this Valley. Hopefully, in a decade or so Augusta County will begin to resemble the urban corridor between Newark and Boston. Then we will at last have the jobs we need while still having the beauty of the distant mountains, clean air blowing in from West Virginia, and the traditional family values of the righteous people this patriotic land is known for. I'm confident that we will be able to solve problems associated with increased crime in our own unique Virginian way.
With the help of our soon-to-be Senator Oliver North, a nexus can be reached between the ancient holy law of the Bible and the technology of the information age. I enthusiastically anticipate a day when all homes will be wired with high-bandwidth networks capable of carrying images from cameras mounted in every room, permitting law enforcement agencies to monitor whether illegal acts are being committed, whether proper prayers are being said, and establishing the validity of alibis. And no one living correctly need fear. Combined with a greatly expanded death penalty, mandatory gun ownership laws, and Bill Clinton's elimination of the requirement for warrants prior to searches, such technology will keep our streets safe and our souls secure. Then, with greater fervor than ever before, hands on our hearts while shedding a tear, we can salute the flag of this great land, praising it for the bounty and security it provides.
previous | next
home | satire page | letters to the editor