home | satire page | letters to the editor

May 01, 1995

The Staunton Leader
P.O. Box 59
Staunton, Va. 24401

Dear Mr. Editor:

Despite being atheist communists, I must, as a right winger, concede that those who ran the old Soviet Union got a few things right. For example, they knew exactly what to do with their environmental extremists. Industry was allowed to prosper and many jobs were created while the crazy people who complained about pollution were shipped off to Siberia. Russia would be a backward agrarian society had its environmentalists succeeded.

Here in the Shenandoah Valley, we have our fair share of extremist environmentalists. I overheard one the other day at the supermarket complaining that his letters never get published in the Leader. This gave me much hope, since if environmentalists managed to get their lying, distorted message out around here, our industries, turkey farms, clearcuts and water supply would face the sort of scrutiny that would only result in a no-growth, no-new-roads, no-pretty-new-houses-with-nice-big-lawns outcome. People would lose jobs and no new people would move on down here to live. I want to commend the Leader staff for assuring that environmental extremist letters don't get published.

This is not to say I hate the environment. On Earth Day, I did the Earth a small favor; I mowed my lawn and killed two snakes.


Gus Mueller

previous | next

home | satire page | letters to the editor