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Witness how poorly the concept of satire is understood by the Wicca Movement. Still don't get it? Email me; I'm xxx@spies.com.

I've included little commentaries of my own in green.

Subject: Witchcraft
Date: 22 Nov 1996 15:36:56 -0000
From: "Arching Crescendt Sun, CVt-Open Circle" [cvtopencircle@hotmail.com]
To: xxx@spies.com
CC: WLPA@CelticCrow.com

Merry meet. means "whassup" or "hello" in wiccaspeak

I am writing in response to your "Witchcraft Flyer" . I was sincerely offended by your negative portrayal of Witchcraft. Did you know that Witchcraft is a legitimate, federal and legally recognized religion in the United States? I would encourage you to read the Witches' Federal Law Memorandum . What was written in the "Witchcraft Flyer" was a shocking form of religious harrassment, and applicable for many law suits. I ask that this page be removed or edited immediately, or further action WILL be taken. for some reason threatening legal action is common practice among witches; evil spells aren't evil enough

Witchcraft is not a religion of Satanism or harm. It is a nature/ecology-based neo-Pagan religon, honoring the Goddess and God. The main tenet, the Witches' Rede, tells us "An' it harm none, do what thou wilt."

The last laws against Witchcraft were repealed in the 1950's. Witches are standing up for their rights, and we will not tollerate the negative misconceptions. Like I mentioned before, Witchcraft has been acknowledged in federal court as a legitimate, legally-recognized religion since 1986. I only ask that you either remove your "Witchcraft Flyer" from the World Wide Web, or edit it to make no mention of "witches" as negative, harmful characters. I can provide more information for you if you want to write a page about the TRUE religion of Witchcraft. If you fail to take action, I will. I have sent a copy of this letter to the Witches' League for Public Awareness, a pro-active educational network, dedicated to correcting misinformation about Witches and Witchcraft. Thank you for your help and consideration.

Blessed be, means "goodbye" in wiccaspeak

Andrew J. Campbell Post Office Box #206 Shoreham, Vermont 05770 - 0206

Subject: witchcraft
Date: Wed, 05 Feb 1997 21:41:27 -0800
From: peter gover [goverman@cheney.net]
Organization: tsg
To: xxx@spies.com

what the hell was your page on witchcraft about are you some kind of anti witch? I was doing a report on witchcraft and I learned from that web site about as much as I would if I asked a fundimental Cristian. If you wrote the page then my friend you got some problems but if it's someone else's on your site then they got some problems

Scot Gover

Subject: Witchcraft
Date: Tue, 25 Feb 1997 19:04:07 +0000
From: Michael Endress [endress@caries.dental.mu.edu]
Organization: Grand avenue School
To: xxx@spies.com

I was quite offened by your witchcraft letter! I happen to be a witch and practise the religion of witchcraft!!! Next time you should learn what you're talking about before you post it on the net!!!

The following three emails were first published in my April 7th, 1997 musings.

Subject: looking for problems
Date: Sun, 06 Apr 1997 15:13:28 -0700
From: Silvermoon [slvrmoon@whidbey.net]
To: xxx@spies.com

Your ISP has been notified of the legal aspects of your witchcraft page. You are seriously lacking in the education on religion, satiracle or not. Your main concern is that you provided phone number that is suppost to be for a witchcraft hotline with the ability to contact the FBI. The phone number is for a Pregnancy Center in your local area. A link has been sent to the FBI, the Pregnancy center, and other Witchcraft legal groups. A call has been made to your ISP also about the legal matters of this page.

Education is the key to life, Your lack of education is the key to problems.

Rev. James Charleston

Subject: Which Witch?!
Date: Mon, 7 Apr 1997 01:21:16 +0100
From: rwolf@comet.net (Robert)
To: xxx@spies.com

Hi Gus:

I guess Senor Hoff has forwarded you the bit 'o hate mail that came in from some rube in Seattle tonight. He also called (amazing!) but i did not talk to him.

I really enjoyed your SATIRE page (especially the Far Right Wing letters and the part about sleeping while the sun is still up). I'm amazed that Rev. Rube did not understand the meaning of the word satire. i think he must be a witch himself and as such deserves the cleansing flames of retribu... eer... nevermind.

One minor point that came up had a nugget of value though. unless the 804 phone number is actually the voice mail of a friend (who is helping complete the humor value of the piece), they will eventually get swamped with a parcel of crank callers, which is why all radio and T-Wee phone numbers sart with the robotic- 555 exchange.

You could consider altering the number to the C'Ville film-line or some the 700 club telethon line, something less likely to cause a real grievance... Unless the Clinic number is actually Althea Hurt's in which case you got it right the first time!

I near coughed up a lung tonight, thanks to this irate bozo and your warped talent.

Happy provocation,


Subject: Law suet waiting to happen
Date: Sun, 06 Apr 1997 14:58:00 -0700
From: Silvermoon [slvrmoon@whidbey.net]
To: webmaster@comet.net


I am Rev. James Charleston. O a writing you about a user on your server. It appears the individual is disgruntled with a vertain pregnancy center and is under educated in world religion. The site information is http://atlas.comet.net/%7Egus/satire/witchcraft.html

I have sent the link to the pregnacy center as well as called them at the phone number on the web site, which by the way is suppost to be a victums of witchcraft hotline with the ability to contact the FBI. I know the FBI would love to connected with this so I sent them a copy also. I think you should think about the problems this individual is bringing to your business.

I have also sent the link to several wiccan/witchcraft legal groups. Thank you for your swift responce to this matter. I would like a responce to this please.

Sincerly ,

Rev. James Charleston

Subject: witchcraft
Date: Tue, 08 Apr 1997 17:24:39 -0500
From: Heather VanHook [kvanhook@comsys.net]
To: xxx@spies.com

I am in total disagreeance with your page on witchcraft. We, despite popular belief, do no harm to others. We are invoved in a religion called paganism. The acusations that you have made are hurtfull and descriminatory. It is hard enough to practice a religion in which others put you down, but for one who knows nothing of the religion to go around with a "witch flyer" shouting untrue and ignorant comments out at the free world. It is due to people like you that we are oppressed and cannot worship our own god and goddess. My fellow wiccans and I would very much apreciate it if you would take down your page, or at least learn a little of our riligion before anouncing to the world that we are satanic and other such false comments.

I believe that if your page had been against the jewish faith, you would have already had a storm of mail; but since my faith is a rare one, I, on behalf of every wiccan, am totally appaled.

Bright Skies a variation on "blessed be" in wiccaspeak

(--)           Cow Sunning at            "Maybe i was mean
/-\/-\              the                      but i really
/|    |\            beach                       don't think
^ |    | ^                                              so" -Sinead
|    |                                                        O'Conner
/    \ \
^      * ^            

Subject: Witchcraft flyer
Date: Wed, 9 Apr 1997 01:04:50 -0500
From: "Chlee Rush" [crush@nts-online.net]
To: [xxx@spies.com]

Mr. Gus Mueller,

I am corresonding in reference to your Witchcraft flyer. I would like to know if it is a real flyer and where you found it, if so.

I can see the slight humor in the flyer, I mean who could be so stupid, but as a Witch I am offended.

Please respond.

Subject: witchcraft
Date: Sat, 12 Apr 1997 12:50:32 -0400
From: Bean-Larson [beanlarson@michcom.com]
To: xxx@spies.com

I am writing to you about your witchcraft page. It is wrong and predjudice against witches. The wiccan law states "do as thou wilt, and it harm none" also the three-fold law, bringing back your power three times good or three times bad. Therefore if a wich was responsible for those incidents you listed in your page, then they were in the wrong, not using their power as it was meant to be used, and got it back times three. Most witches do not use their power in ways that harm others, but in a way that will enrich their lives as well as other's. Because of the actions of some witches, don't assume that all witches use their magical gifts for evil upon others. Blessed Be.

Subject: Witchcraft
Date: Thu, 24 Apr 1997 19:36:46 -0400
From: famille nantel seeb@netrover.com
Organization: seeb
To: xxx@spies.com

You are sick man!!!

I've seen your burning witches page and let me tell you that you are a nutzoid! I'm a witch and I would never do anything bad to the people arrownd me. Even if they where my worst enemies!!!

Get with it... a very horified witch!!!

Here is a sample of some correspondence on had with a certain KCBAC@aol.com on the morning of Saturday, April 26th 1997. My responses are in blue.

I would like to point out to you that the article that you have on your page about witches is so incorrect I was ready to puke. The things that you wrote about saying that witchcraft is the cause is not possible to be done by any witch. These are things done by SATANISTS if anything. There is a major difference between Satanists and Witches. The Wiccan Rede states that everyone should be allowed to do whatever they want just as long as it hurts noone. The Three-Fold Law states that whatever you send out comes back times three. This goes for good as well as bad. Wiccans are nature loving people and have no "mark'' on their body proving a deal with Satan. And about that test to see if you have been a victim of witchcraft can be easily debunked. The first sign can be explained by the person having IMPOTENCY or FRIGIDITY. It is very common. The second one is probably a desease that can be treated. There are no direct links to Witches. The third sign can be explained by a brief look at what the person ate. The fourth sign is so easily explained I laugh at all who think Witches are to blame. Falling asleep during the day is called a NAP. If a child goes to kindergarten and has 'naptime' and falls asleep while 'the sun is in the sky' does that mean that the child has been a victim of witchcraft? The next sign is just plain stupid. I'm sure that 99.9% of the world's population has thrown up before. Influenza, food poisoning and drunkeness have been proven as causes for this phenomena, not whitchcraft. Maybe there are people who are out there that beleive that they have been transformed into many other shapes and nonhuman creatures, but I'm sure those people also believe that the sky is red. No witch, no matter how much into the practice can do that. And anyone who has smoked has seen a cloud of whitish blue smoke come out of thier lungs. These 'signs' are so easily explainable I pity anyone who thinks that witches are to blame. I suggest you read about Witches before you make another biased remark like that.

you don't understand. i spent a whole week as a gound hog because of a witch's spell. i sucked. i had to eat roots and berries and run away from dogs. my wife thought i'd left her for another woman. coming home, she shooed me away screaming. sad sad sad. those BAD witches did this to me.

This was not a result from Witches. Satanists are to blame. Witches don't practice 'black magic'. don't blame them.

if YOU were turned into a groundhog and spent a week in this form, covered with fur and smiling across yellow buck teeth, would you be happy about ANYONE with the power to cast spells? i sincerely doubt it.

I admit that I would not be happy about it, but i would not go blaming a religion that is based on nature and the worship of a supreme being that is NOT satan. There are many stereotypes about witches. They do worship two gods. A horned god and a Goddes of fertility. The Horned God became horned because he was the God of hunting. The animals that were hunted were horned so that's how that happened. This is commonly related to the devil and Satan. They are in no way related!!!. I have studied witches and I know that they are not responsible for turning you into a groundhog. So blame the evil religion. Witches are not evil. If you want to blame someone, then learn about a religion that does do things like that. Wiccans are good people.

my feeling is that there are some good witches and some bad witches. there are good and bad everything else, so why not witches? the wizard of oz, one of the better witchcraft references available, confirms this suspicion.

The Wizard of Oz also says that witches fly on brooms. They don't. This suspition came into being by a ritual where a person runs around in a field and leaping next to a broom showing the crops how high they should grow. Witches cannot levitate and they cannot perform 'Glamours'. These are the spells that give the appearance of something. The movie The Craft shows this. True witches do not harm anyone. I cannot stress this enough. The person(s) that did this to you was a Satan-Worshipper. They are not related to witches.

well i must admit that it was a witch that was responsible for converting me back into a human when i was still a ground hog. i saw a kindly looking witch playing a flute on the brick-covered downtown mall of charlottesville, virginia. i bounded out to her and she said, "hi kitty" and then she said, "oh my, you're not even a cat... are you a pisces?" i nodded my head and she said, "well here then, a kiss for you" and with her kiss a great cloud went up and i emerged, just like the frog and the princess. she and i dated for about a month after that. she turned my opinion about witches around just a bit...i'd been wanting to BURN THEM when i was a groundhog.

Aren't you married?

well, after the way my wife treated me when i was still a groundhog, i was less than faithful, if you know what i mean.

Just remember that Wiccans are a loving people and would not harm another person or it goes back to them three times as worse.

well i'd like to think the evil witch who made me into a groundhog has been stuck three times as far back on the evolutionary ladder as a groundhog. that would be 40 million years times three, or 120 million years, back in the Jurassic. perhaps even now she is a crocodilian eating tastelessly-clothed vacationers in key west.

That's a very pleasant image

Subject: witchcraft flyer
Date: Sun, 04 May 97 13:43:51 -0700
From: David Borman [eeppww@mixcom.com]
To: xxx@spies.com

I was personally offended, hurt, and disqusted by your cruel and uneducated predjudice against witches. The being is in and of the witch. There are good christians and bad christians, there are good and bad people everywhere, no matter what religion they belong to. At least 80% of all witches practice in only the upmost positive ways. Of coarse, there are those who will miss interpret the religion and misuse it, but there are also God freaks that go and murder people because God wills it. The religion of witchraft can be a very spiritually enlightening journey. Those few, isolated, sick events of the misuse of witchcraft have done much to poison the minds that all witches are evil. Murderers can be found in any religion. To say that witchcraft is so bad can only come from not enough education of the matter. We are not evil. The good or bad, lies inside the particular witch, as it does within any individual humane being.

Subject: your view on Witch Craft
Date: Thu, 15 May 1997 17:06:34 +0900
From: "Jackie Caldera" [moggi@ois.net.au]
To: xxx@spies.com

Your homepage on witchcraft is disgusting and uninformed. you obviously know nothing about the religion and as such, are using it to make your homepage more appealing to other people such as yourself, or you are using the Witch Craft religion as a scapegoat to blame un-explainable happenings on, your section of your homepage on Witch Craft is a disgrace to the internet yours faithfully
Jackie Caldera

Date: Sat, 14 Jun 1997 04:10:08 -0400 (EDT)
From: Farcicfane@aol.com
To: xxx@spies.com
Subject: You Asshole

I decided to be quite direct in stating that I don't appreciate the "Witchcraft Flyer" you have as part of your site. I can tell that you are somewhat bright, however not so tactful. The pagan community really wouldn't want to see this slightly offencive "flyer" so that I would like you to remove it from the internet. From what I've read, it seems as though the page is made up entirely of falsehoods of pagan beliefs. I am aware that it is your right to have freedom of speech on the internet, however you might want to check yourself when offending a large scope of people. Fortunately, I am somewhat forgiving and can easily see that you are ignorant in understanding us, but a good number of the higher pagan groups aren't and you may find yourself in a bit of trouble. Good day motherfucker!

Subject: you need help...
Date: Tue, 11 Nov 1997 19:16:13 -0600
From: Geoff Loper [Loperga22@uwwvax.uww.edu]
To: xxx@spies.com

After reading the page labeled.. Have you or someone you know ever been a victim of Witchcraft?

I was throughly distrubed..... Being myself a witch, i was curious to see what you had to say... then I had a few question that i hoped you could answer... 1) what was the evidence of witchcraft in the MIT case you listed? 2) the SUNY example...what was the source you got this out of? and then i have answers to your questions...

3)only after i smoked a cigar
4) yes...I work in a bakery....3rd shift...make sense to fall asleep during the day now...?
5)yes....when i'm sick with the flu
6) yes many times...
7) yeah...when my roommate was smoking pot and we had teh black lights on...

you were correct in saying that we wrok in secrecy, but the "problems" can occur other ways...the coven that i belong to only does things to promote the good of our lives and the world around us...and not at the expense of anyone or anything.

How does not saluting the flag consitiute being a witch? I am a witch and have full patriotism, I may not agree with what this country does but it is my home...

I can't float in water, but that has to do with my body fat % (3.5%) not enought to be boyant...
I shower EVERY day or else i would stink for yeast from work...
I can drink diet beverages....i don't like the taste, but i can drink them
I love fruit pies, especially apple and cherry
I only drive American cars, see the patriotism fact...
there is no hebrw mark on my body, but a tatoo will be going on in the near future, a symbol of my religion...

If the # you gave for the hotline is true...then a freedom given by the Constitution is being infringed upon, you know...hte life, freedom and liberty clause, and also the first amendment...freedom of RELIGION

If this is a page of meaningless bullshit that you wrote for fun, I would strongly advise to to remove it ASAP. I will be telling my witch friends about it and I assume that you will get letters from them as well...

harm none and do as ye will

Do not let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past nor for the future. By living your life one day at a time, you live all the days of your life.

my response:

i'm sorry, it was supposed to be funny. i thought that was obvious. read it again and see what i mean.

Mr Loper's response:

Hey Mr. Dumb Fuck,

Well, it wasn't funny at all... This was not obvious. What was obvious was the fact taht you are a complete fool that has no idea about what you are "poking fun at" in your page. I have told many of my friends about this page and they will be writing you in the near future...I am sure of it. Not only have you exploited withces and the Craft in general, but also feminists, lesbians, and liberalists. You have done something horribly wrong and immoral. I have a hrad time believeing the fact that you are human, because a human wouldn't do this to one of their own. I would like you to look at the messages taht you have recieved taht you have posted on this page, especialy the ones that parallel the ideas that I am conveying. Maybe you might see that what you have done is wrong, and needs to be righted before more are hurt by your foolishness.

In the process of making this page, and giving a false phone number, you have directly oppressed not only mine and all other witches rights, but you have gone against the principles of the 1st and 14 Amendments to the Constitution of the United States. If you continue to keep this page up, legal action can and will be taken up against you, this I am certain of.

So I strongly advise you to remove or edit this page of "satire" (which is in essence an infringement of the religious rights of my people). If you do not, then I fear for your soul, if indeed you do have one.

May the gods forgive you for what you have done... Education is the key to life, Your lack of education is the key to problems.

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