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Have you or someone you know ever been a victim of


Since the early days of colonial America and extending far back into the dark ages, witchcraft has always been one of mankind's great challenges. For 1993 alone, witchcraft-related costs reached an estimated 132 billion dollars in terms of lost productivity, destroyed capital, and decreased tourism (700 Club Monthly, March 1994).

Witchcraft is manifest as evolution taught in our schools, as abortion, as lesbianism & sodomy, as feminism, as liberalism, and as mysterious acts of the supernatural. In particular, the presence of witchcraft has increased greatly on college campuses in the last ten years.

  • In January, 1990, at MIT, a student returned to his dorm to find his roommate, Bob N. Bitters, face down and barely alive in a pool of bile. Theology Professor Dr. S. A. Bohr found abundant evidence that witchcraft was the cause (American Excorcist, 10/91).
  • In March, 1992, Amy DeSpairit of James Madison University awoke to find her boyfriend, Stevie Bob Crackerbaugh, had been transformed into a pig, a form he has retained ever since (Creationism Today, 9/93).
  • In May, 1992, a man was found levitating uncontrollably above the stalls in a bathroom in the bewitched cylindrical library of Heidleburg University (Atheism Debunked, 3/30/93 by Emma Begought, page 212).
  • In April, 1993, at SUNY-New Paltz, two students evaporated during a lecture on Chinese chicken exports. The students were later determined to have condensed as an amorphous brownish-grey goo on the inside of an air conditioning duct (End Times Digest, 11/93).

Take this test to determine if you may be a victim of witchcraft.

  1. Have you ever been unable to successfully accomplish full sexual function?
  2. Has your skin ever been covered by boils?
  3. Has your breath ever taken on the odour of sulfur?
  4. Have you ever fallen asleep while the sun was in the sky?
  5. Have you ever been unable to hold down your food?
  6. Have you ever assumed the form of a nonhuman creature?
  7. Have you ever exhaled and seen a whitish-blue cloud of smoke?
If you or someone you know has ever had any one of these symptoms, witchcraft may be the cause. Although some people have survived for years under a witch's spell, many have suffered dreadful medical and emotional problems, financial losses, and in some cases even death.

Witches come in many guises, and since they usually work in secrecy, the fact that they are the cause of our troubles can be difficult to establish. If you know anyone whom you suspect to be a witch, you should contact the witch-crimes specialist on your local police force or call our special hotline, detailed below. Witches may look and act like any normal person, but more often they have peculiar habits such as looking askance at infants, not saluting the flag, not giving to the United Way, and not showering more than once every other day. Witches have difficulty staying afloat in water, drinking diet beverages, eating fruit pies, and driving American cars. Frequently a mark appears somewhere on their bodies; this mark is the shape of the Hebrew letter "," and represents a pact with Satan.

The solution to all your witchcraft problems is as near as your telephone. Call the Witchcraft Hotline

at 1-804-979-8888. We have four counselors answering calls 24 hours a day, with referral capabilities to the FBI's Anti-Witchcraft Task Force. Remember, you turn 'em in to us, we burn `em into dust!

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