Have you or someone you know ever been a victim of
Since the early days of colonial America and extending far back into the dark ages, witchcraft has always been one of mankind's great challenges. For 1993 alone, witchcraft-related costs reached an estimated 132 billion dollars in terms of lost productivity, destroyed capital, and decreased tourism (700 Club Monthly, March 1994).
Witchcraft is manifest as evolution taught in our schools, as abortion, as lesbianism & sodomy, as feminism, as liberalism, and as mysterious acts of the supernatural. In particular, the presence of witchcraft has increased greatly on college campuses in the last ten years.
Witches come in many guises, and since they usually work in secrecy, the fact that they are the cause of our troubles can be difficult to establish. If you know anyone whom you suspect to be a witch, you should contact the witch-crimes specialist on your local police force or call our special hotline, detailed below. Witches may look and act like any normal person, but more often they have peculiar habits such as looking askance at infants, not saluting the flag, not giving to the United Way, and not showering more than once every other day. Witches have difficulty staying afloat in water, drinking diet beverages, eating fruit pies, and driving American cars. Frequently a mark appears somewhere on their bodies; this mark is the shape of the Hebrew letter "," and represents a pact with Satan.
The solution to all your witchcraft problems is as near as your telephone. Call the Witchcraft Hotline
at 1-804-979-8888. We have four counselors answering calls 24 hours a day, with referral capabilities to the FBI's Anti-Witchcraft Task Force. Remember, you turn 'em in to us, we burn `em into dust!
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