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kafkaesque-resembling in important ways the nightmarish scenery and personalities of a Kafka novel. Well before there was a David Lynch there was a Franz Kafka, and no one, not even Lynch, has ever so perfectly captured the existential murkiness of human consciousness and bureaucracy, trappings we, in our delusions, so hopefully point to as evidence of either our rise above apehood or our place beside God, both trite anthropocentric garbage.

karma-the principle that "what goes around comes around" or the things you do to others will eventually be done to you. This is more proactive than the Christian Golden Rule, which states that one should do unto others only what one would have others do unto one, but provides no assurance that bad things will happen to one if one actually does bad unto others. Karma is also the quality of goodness or badness a person, creature, or object has associated with it as a result of the things done by and to it.

You're WEIRD man!
Kevin Pervis, the guy after whom the "Kevin Pervis Attitude" was named. Big Fun, July 1996

Kevin Pervis attitude-an unconcern about issues of hygiene, chronic disease, parasitic infestation, outward appearance, or how these may be perceived by or otherwise affect others. Kevin Pervis is a Philadelphia-area friend of the Malvern Girls.

kick ass-to decisively defeat someone in a physical confrontation. Usually stated as "X kicked Y's ass" or, even more often, "I'm going to kick X's ass."

Kiki-the informal name of Michæl, aka "Bad Sex."

kind buds-the absolutely most powerful form of santa clause that still retains identifiable plant parts in it. Naturally, everyone who sells santa clause would like to have you believe that they are in fact selling kind buds (aka "the kind") when in fact most marijuana is less than kind in quality. In Philadelphia, kind buds are often referred to as "dank nugs," a term that Sara Poiron finds nauseating.

knife merchant, the-at the Scottsville strip mall wherein lies IGA, the Luvin Oven and a few other reputable merchants, one can also buy various items from less reputable vendors who set up tables stocked with merchandise for a few hours on most sunny days. One can expect to find for sale such things as old clothes, knives, electronic equipment, bootleg videotapes, early 80s audio cassettes, and children's toys. If one looks appropriately crunchy or punk, one will also be shown the drug paraphernalia and pornography stocked in the backs of the pick-up trucks of the vendors.

Amongst the residents of Big Fun, the favourite items to purchase have been knives. One dealer, with as much personality as his Louisianesque accent, specializes in dozens of different sorts of knives, from punching daggers to throwing blades, mostly made in Pakistan and for sale cheap. This dealer, known as "the knife merchant" is full of strange stories about how Philadelphia is occupied and run by a majority of alien impostors who, while resembling humans, actually come from a variety of other planets.

Kroger-Tussin-purportedly one of the stronger forms of Tussin DM, though its published ingredients do not differ much from other forms of Tussin DM.

krunchers-a flavoured potato chip larded with grease and monosodium glutamate. Krunchers are not available everywhere, but they are easy to obtain in Scottsville and Shira and Sara live off of them. In early May 1996, the definition for the term "krunchers" slowly expanded to include a variety of generic dry snack foods such as crackers, chips, pretzels and trail mix, especially when purchased from a gas station.

labyrinth, the-also called "the Path"- this is the muddy road through the reforesting fields behind Big Fun, leading off to the abandoned chicken houses and beyond, as far away as the house of Peirce and Nelly. Another fork in the road will take one to the Das Dafino. These roads are favourite place to wander when one is experiencing Tussin Euphoria; at such times one feels one is an actor in a remake of The Wizard of Oz.

large meat pizza-a familiar sight on the Downtown Mall is Crispina, who has noteworthy stuff on her chest, short hair and a highly assertive walking style. There are other things to be said about Crispina, but they are irrelevant to this story. She has a younger sister who is waif-like and has long hair. No one knows what this sister's name is, so she is simply called "Crispina's sister."

Crispina's sister once had a dog, a German Shepherd or Husky puppy, that gradually grew to be a very large dog. Then one day suddenly Crispina's sister was seen walking down the Mall not being dragged along by her trademark dog. In fact, the dog has never been seen since. So the Gus came up with what he terms his "ultimate tale of denial" to account for the absence of the dog of Crispina's sister.

It seems, so the tale goes, that one day Crispina's sister was standing on the side of Water Street near the site of the new skating rink. She was talking to someone whom she did not know well about nothing in particular, perhaps Tonya Harding's singing career or the rise of Geek Rock in America today. The conversation was not an exciting one, and as Crispina's sister normally did when bored, she found her eyes tracing slowly down the leash towards her beloved dog's end thereof. "How beautiful and interesting is my dog compared to this person whom I do not know well," thought Crispina's sister, a warm but distant smile sprouting on her face. But at the dog end of the leash, Crispina's sister was surprised to discover that there was no dog at all but instead a large meat pizza.

"How puzzling!" thought Crispina's sister. She rapidly concluded that she'd been the victim of a terrible mix up, so, bidding good day to the person whom she did not know well, she headed off to Miller's to borrow a large spatula. She also obtained a big pizza box from either Sal's or Sylvia's pizzeria. She then went back to Water Street and scraped up the large meat pizza and put it in the pizza box and returned home, still puzzled at the events of the day.

At length she composed a flier saying, "Hello, my name is Crispina's sister and my dog appears to have been accidentally replaced with a large meat pizza. I have the large meat pizza at home and am willing to trade it back for the return of my dog, no questions asked. My dog is very important to me. Please call me at 296-WUFF and ask for 'Crispina's sister.' Thank You!."

After having Phil Ginini assist her in putting up the fliers all over the Downtown Mall and the Corner, she and he wondered how best to drown their mutual sorrows. Upon discovering the Gus in Chap's, they obtained his aid in the purchase of tequila from the Main Street liquor store. Then they headed off into the Sun to drink, confident that soon the dog would be returned.

leg hair-girls in America are in a constant state of war with their own biology in many respects. Unless they get pregnant, they menstruate every month, and that's a bloody mess that supports the entire euphemistically-named "feminine hygiene industry." To keep from getting pregnant, many take hormone pills each day; these trick their bodies into thinking they already are pregnant (which, according to a recent article in Psychology Today, makes them subconsciously experience a sexual preference for their brothers over their boyfriends).

Most girls also fight a constant battle against body hair. They shave their armpits and their legs, and if they miss a day, they begin to grow stubble. As most girls know from kissing boys, stubble causes discomfort to close friends. One way to avoid the stubble problem is to not shave at all. But then there's that hair, and most people in the dominant culture find armpit and leg hair to be, well, not very lady-like. Eric the Huffanator, for example, has no sexual interest in girls who have grown leg hair. What to do? Jessika, Sara, and Shira mostly shave their body hair, though Jessika didn't last summer and the result was that her armpit hair clashed dramatically with her bleached head hair. Peggy doesn't shave at all, and she's the only girl at Big Fun who manages to maintain a boyfriend. You be the judge.

Leo-the 5th sign of the zodiac. The sun passes through this sign in late July through mid August. This sign is a fixed fire sign and people born with heavenly bodies, the horizon, or most particularly the sun in it tend to be vain, gregarious, "cool," dramatic and flamboyant. There really isn't that big of a difference between Aries and Leos, except Leos are not nearly so arrogant and commanding. Leos are more like second-borns and Aries are more like first borns. Since the sign is fixed, it endows its natives with the ability and industry to complete projects that other fire signs, despite their bravado, utterly lack. Leos are relatively rare in the Big Fun world, which is a bit of a shame since all the Big Fun Aquarians could stand a bit more opposition from this their opposing sign. Famous people who have Leo for a sun sign include Herbert Hoover, Tony Bennett, Mick Jagger, Alfred Hitchcock, the Lion in the Wizard of Oz, Bill Clinton and Robert Redford. Leos known to some in Big Fun include Johnny Boom Boom Mancini, Bill of Jerusalem, Ana (Raphæl's girlfriend who works at Jerusalem), and another Jerusalem employee named Jennifer.

lesbian wanna-be-a girl suddenly placed into a progressive environment such as college or a Quaker School frequently discovers that it is trendy to have very public relationships with other girls. It is a rite of passage and a way to be accepted as fully alternative and open-minded in the same way that the use of drugs has been historically. However, for boys, even among the most open-minded of free thinkers, male homosexuality is still regarded as somehow disgusting. This probably reflects the underlying male-domination of even liberal society. Heterosexual girls who want to be seen as trendy and are thus promoting the idea that they have lesbian tendencies are referred to as "lesbian wanna-bes." Lesbian wanna-bes are common at places such as Tandem School, Oberlin College, Sarah Lawrence College, and many other institutions too numerous to mention.

Libra-the 7th sign of the zodiac. The sun passes through this sign in late September through mid October. This sign is a cardinal air sign and people born with heavenly bodies, the horizon, or most particularly the sun in it tend to be indifferent, poised, overly tolerant, indecisive and in need of relationships and inner tranquillity. Typically Librans are regarded as attractive, and this leads some to be vain or even exploitative. To an extent they fail to understand what being a friend entails. The sign is typical of people who inevitably forge order out of the chaos of others. Gravitating towards imbalance, they themselves create stability and grow bored with the surroundings they have tamed. Often the only solution to an inherently boring world is drugs and alcohol, as well as bizarre or abstemious sexual conduct. Famous people who have Libra for a sun sign include Jimmy Carter, Dwight Eisenhower, Charlton Heston, John Lennon, and Eleanor Roosevelt. Librans associating with, or waging war on, Big Fun, include Jessika, Aaron the SHARP, Vanna the punk rock girl, Jason Huffman, Jennn, Jimmy of Scottsville, Red-headed Diana (who had enough chutzpah to say "astrology's crap" while visiting Big Fun), Wei the Alien, several grapefruits that received Libra tattoos from Sara, and that female UVA student with the eyebrow ring named Erin.

There is an interesting story to tell related to Jessika, a grapefruit and the astrologic symbol for Libra. One day in late April, Jessika spied the tattoo on the ankle of a young teenage girl in front of the Downtown Mall's Paramount. The tattoo was the sign of the scales, a less abstract version of the sign ("") used to denote Libra. Like many odd things that Jessika sees, this tattoo was fascinating for her. Jessika always stares intently at peculiar new things; this accounts for her skills in later drawing people and objects without their being present. Questions about the tattoo circulated through her mind. Why would someone so youthful have such a tattoo? Perhaps Jessika's focus was too intense (it often is) and this brought out the wrath of what at the time she thought was her ruling planet, Uranus. Uranus is also the ruling planet of Aquarius, and Aquarians are susceptible to problems with their ankles.

A week later, on the occasion of the Sun's conjunction with her ascendant, Jessika sprained her ankle in exactly the same way as she had the year before. It swelled and changed colours and began to resemble a grapefruit. Coincidental with this, on the evening of Sunday, el Cinco de Mayo, Sara and Shira were relieving their boredom by listening to fruits and tattooing them in the Big Fun kitchen. One of the tattoos was a Libra symbol inscribed on a complacent grapefruit. At about this time Jessika and the Gus came back from the labyrinth; they'd both been tussing since drinking six ounces of tussin each at Raven's Roost on the Blue Ridge Parkway earlier that day. To Jessika's tussin-affected eyes, the grapefruit appeared to be a totemic embodiment of herself, and she held it against her face in wonder at the coincidences that had brought her and the grapefruit together. She put the grapefruit on her personal food shelf, never to be eaten.

light chianti, a-Carlo Rossi Paisano purports in small print to be "a light chianti" as Matthew Hart one day pointed out to all of us in Big Fun. As Big Fun's favourite real red vino, Paisano has developed a number of affectionate nick names, including "a light chianti." There is even a song, known only to the greater Big Fun community, whose only line is "a light chianti is all you need."

You can pet me...from a distance.
Lilith the Cat, July 1996

Lilith-in the ellipse that is the Moon's orbit around Earth, there are two foci. One focus lies within the earth and the other lies somewhere out in space. The one out in space is called Lilith and it moves forwards through the zodiac at the rate of about 40 degrees per year. In astrology Lilith bears on ones capacity to accept evil and unpleasantness, both rampant phenomena at Big Fun. Lilith rules Scorpio and it has the strongest influence when in Pisces, where it can be found in the charts of Sara (1st house) and Jessika (12th house). Lilith is found in Taurus in the charts of the Gus (12th house) and Deya (4th house). Lilith in Cancer characterizes the charts of Matthew Hart (11th house) and Morgan Anarchy. Lilith is in Aries in the charts of Peggy (7th house), Zachary and Ray. Shira, Jennn, Theresa and Farrell have Lilith in Gemini.

Lilith has also become the new official name for Ben the Cat.

Lobster Liberation Front-this semi-fictitious organization born in May 1996 at Big Fun finds its origins in an act by one of Matthew Hart's zanier friends, a certain Megan Hudleston of Crozet. It seems Megan walked into a grocery store one day and spent $150 on live lobsters, placed them in buckets of salt water and drove them to the ocean and set them free. A stencil bearing the phrase "LOBSTER LIBERATION FRONT" can be found in the Big Fun stencil collection. Matthew Hart has stated that he could see himself carrying the Lobster Liberation cause one step further; traveling around the country, holding up supermarkets, and hauling liberated lobsters back to their rightful oceanic homes.

local talent-someone who grew up nearby, or someone from a less civilized part of the surrounding region. It has nothing much to do with an actual talent when used in this sense. When used to refer to an artist or musician in terms of his or her career, "local talent" is considered an insult. Thus to speak of Morgan Anarchy being "local talent" because he grew up in Scottsville is okay, but he should be insulted if his band Needlework is labeled "local talent" by anyone but himself.

lotus temple-in Buckingham County to the south there is a pink lotus-shaped temple that towers above the surrounding plain. Inside this temple, there are a dozen petal-shaped shrines, one each to all the major religions, one shrine to all the minor religions without a specific shrine, and one shrine to all religions unknown. That's about as pantheistic as anyone could rationally get.

Legend at Big Fun has it that no one has ever spoken within the lotus temple. Presiding in great magnificent glory over the lotus temple is the Swami Satchininanda.

love-an emotion characterized by a feeling of attachment and dependency. When the object of ones love is removed in a way that seems temporary, feelings of despondency set in, resulting in a strong desire to search out or otherwise communicate with the object of ones love. When the object of ones love is removed in a way that appears to be permanent, feelings of loss begin immediately and often build into severe and even permanent emotional injury.

Objects of ones love can be people, animals, trees, results of creative acts, and even mass-produced consumer products. When the object of ones love is a person with whom one would like to have sex, love is always accompanied with a degree of jealousy since it is impossible to have complete control over another member of the promiscuous human species.

All people have a capacity to love, though in many cases this capacity is either so automatic that it constitutes an obstacle to normal human relations, or so buried beneath emotional scar tissue that it requires much work to take root and grow. For most people, it is better to deny obvious feelings of love than it is to interpret indefinite feelings as those of love. Love is a water sign emotion.

low-fi-typical of the assault on the standards of pop relict from the 80s has been the rise of low-fi. Low-fi is a recording technique in which the presence of noise and the extent of dynamic range are not paramount concerns. The low-fi revolution is contingent upon the assumption that music can be enjoyed just as much through an AM radio as it can be through a $5000 stereo system. The validity of this assumption is exemplified by the experience of the Gus; he has bad recordings of albums that he prefers over the original CDs. Bands that routinely record in low-fi include Pavement, Guided by Voices and Nuclear Assault.

lucky gum ball-at the Chesapeake Bagel Bakery on 29 North can be found a gum ball machine that sells large gum balls for a quarter each. If you get a green gum ball, you get six free bagels. The Gus won six bagels the first time he ever bought a gum ball, and ended up chewing it one boring Saturday night, but not before the presence of the gum ball in Matthew Hart's car turned a speeding ticket into Matthew's "one and only warning." Matthew Hart also won six bagels one day (though he plays the gum ball machine all the time), and ever since he has carried the green gum ball in his car, though it has been steadily decomposing.

lust-a desire for sex with a particular object, animal or person that is independent of other emotions. Lust is a fire sign emotion.

Luvin Oven, The-a very austere cafeteria in the IGA strip mall in Scottsville, the Luvin Oven has both fascinated and repelled the residents of Big Fun. On weekend mornings, sometimes we smoke a little santa clause and dress up in all our punk regalia and, after a little knife shopping, stop by the Luvin Oven to eat some greasy fries and play some pinball. All the while the ugly and inbred of Scottsville are watching us, not so much envying our bone structure as gnawing their cheeks for their cowardice in not actualizing their desires to kick our alternative asses.

Lydia Conder-when I first met Lydia in the summer of 1994, I thought she was younger than my (then) 26 years. It turns out she was already in her 30s. I had a number of really interesting conversations with her both at Gallery Neo and Millers. Among the things she told me was that the Dave Matthews band first came together at one of her parties. Later Lydia found herself some wealthy boyfriend from Virginia Beach and I rarely saw her. Now she acts like she does not much know who I am. Meanwhile, her gallery, Gallery Neo, has become the single most pretentious gallery in Charlottesville. Occasionally I take some Big Fun people there on opening nights and Lydia watches me pleasantly from the corner of her eye with an air of "I'll make you pay for anything you break."

Lynchburg-this city is located on the James River some fifty miles south of Charlottesville on US 29. Lynchburg is the home of Liberty University, the right-wing bible college founded by Jerry Falwell, the one televangelist that during the 80s was not caught on videotape with his pants around his ankles. Just because Falwell managed to keep his perverted sexual behaviour out of the public eye does not mean he isn't interested in discovering and moralizing over the private sexual lives of others, particularly teenagers, homosexuals, and those who fail to conform to the tyranny of the missionary position.

The students of Liberty University are expected to be ardent disciples of Jerry Falwell. They are compelled to wear stuffy formal clothes relict from the morally-pure 50s. But even so, girls caught rebelling against tight skirt-length standards are routinely placed under heightened scrutiny. In Falwell's world, women are not to be trusted outside the confines of the household. The biology department at Liberty University teaches advanced classes concerning all the arcania of "Scientific Creationism," which is the study of how, 6000 some years ago, God created the Earth and all of its creatures in the course of a single week, followed some two thousand plus years later by Noah's flood (which supposedly brought about all the extinctions contained in the fossil record).

Not just Liberty University is held under Falwell's thumb; the whole city of Lynchburg is as well. When Big Fun visited Lynchburg in early March 1996 to attend a performance of Drill for Absentee, Johnny Boom Boom and Matthew Hart found the alcohol purchasing situation far worse than any other place they had ever been. One merchant refused to sell alcohol unless she could check the IDs of everyone waiting outside in the car as well as those making the actual purchase! Another store refused Matthew Hart's "Habib" ID, not because its photograph doesn't look anything like him, but because it has a photograph taken in profile (the way Virginia ID photos are taken when someone is under 21). The cashier saw that and didn't even bother to look at the birth date that "establishes" Matthew as somewhat over 21 years of age. One can only guess at what other moralistic hoops one must jump through for other sordid purchases. Perhaps you need a marriage license to buy condoms, a congressional subpoena to buy Playboy, and a scheduled morning execution to get whole wheat bread. Lynchburg was founded by some guy named Lynch who may have been the same one who invented the lynch mob to control uppitty niggers, carpet bagging punk rockers, and sodomizing faggots.

mad cow disease-this disease, characterized by decay of brain tissue in living cows, has caused some bovines in England to go berzerk and then die agonizing deaths. Meat made from slaughtered cows suffering from this disease is bad beef because it can supposedly spread brain rot to humans if it is eaten. There is some very disturbing news footage of humans sitting trembling in their beds, with zero IQs and no hope for the future. Despite the horror of all this, mad cow disease is cause for some humour at Big Fun, particularly among Shira and Sara.

One day at a restaurant Shira received a cheeseburger instead of the grilled cheese sandwich she had ordered. But she was too considerate of her waitress, who barely understood English, to send the burger back. So Shira ate the burger, beef and all. Ever since she has had a somewhat serious dread that she will come down with mad cow disease. At least for the time being, she does an excellent impersonation of an afflicted cow.

Sara, meanwhile, wonders how amusing it would be if two stories in the news, the Unabomber and mad cow disease, could be somehow brought together. Wouldn't it be cool if it turned out that the Unabomber suffered from mad cow disease!

Mad Dog-what purports to be wine but what is actually a pre-mixed beverage of vodka and various flavours of what probably amounts to Cool-Aid. At one time there was only one flavour of Mad Dog, and that flavour was Grape. Now Mad Dog comes in several different flavours, colours and alcohol percentages.

Mad Dog used to be considered a good deal for its alcohol concentrations, and in its 18% alcohol concentrations, it still is. But some flavours (Banana Red, Kiwi Lemon and Pink Grapefruit) actually have less bang for the buck than Carlo Rossi Paisano, a much superiour vino.

Morgan Anarchy actually blacked out under the influence of Banana Red and Orange Jubilee Mad Dog the night of 4-28-96. The following day, between bouts of misery and vomiting, he vowed never again to drink Mad Dog of any flavour.

magic refrigerator-a refrigerator from which food may be obtained repeatedly and indefinitely without any expenditure of resources or effort being required from those obtaining said food. Big Fun does not have a magic refrigerator, though most of its residents come from homes equipped with them.

Make Up, The-an emo-ish band from Washington DC or some such cool and trendy place. They made the mistake of playing at a punk rock show at the Tokyo Rose in Charlottesville, and the whole time they were heckled by the Gus and others. The Gus thought Ian Svenonius' microphone gymnastics were even more stupid than waving ones arms at a Rusted Root concert. The Gus was really too drunk to form much of an impression of The Make Up, and when he told Jessika he didn't like them, she became about as offended as he'd ever seen her get. As it happens, to Sara and Jessika, The Make Up is a band that is so sacred that anyone who does not like them obviously has some sort of character defect. By the way, part of the disintegration of the Grand Air Trine can be traced to the Gus claiming to not like The Make Up.

mall rat-a teenage white kid who hangs out on the Downtown Mall. Such kids think almost exclusively about where their next cigarette is going to come from, and most of their conversation with me concerns cigarettes, alcohol and drugs, as in "where can I get them?" "do you have any?" "are you driving out to the party?" and, most of the time, "will you buy me some if I give you the money?" As bored as they are, the mall rats could be made into a powerful little army if only a charismatic leader (such as anyone from Big Fun) came along and led them into battle.

Malvern-where the most dissolute of Philadelphia's suburban youth culture is incubated; this is the milieu that spawned Jessika, the Pegger, Johnny Boom Boom, and others too numerous to mention. Malvern's tragic flaw is that it has no central public space for the kids to hang out; they end up chilling at the Wa-Wa until they are run off by police or store personnel.

Malvern Girls-this term is used to signify any of the group of girls from the Philadelphia suburbs who used to attend Upattinas and who have since moved to the Charlottesville area, including Jessika, Peggy, and (even though they are not from Malvern) Sara Poiron and Shira.

Malvernia-the region comprised of the far western suburbs of Philadelphia.

Manic Panic-a transparent hair dye used by punk rockers to give their hair a temporarily artificial colour such as green, blue, purple or red. The dye washes out with a little effort. Jessika goes for the light blue look, starting with bleached hair. Sara and sometimes Shira go for the dark red look, starting with natural dark brown hair. Conversely, Morgan and Ray are liable to pick any colour depending on the day. Morgan frequently adds a little spray paint (an opaque colour that takes much work to remove) to the mix.

mansion, the-the major house on Fairview Farms, this domicile is one of the residences of Althia Hurt, though it is probably also stalked by the ghost of the would-be Czarina Anastasia who also used to live there, as well as other gremlins of the night. I wouldn't go there for a million dollars. That place gives me the creeps.

Mars-the fourth planet from the sun. In astrology, position of Mars bears on will, assertiveness, passion, and energy level. Mars rules Aries and Scorpio. Mars in a fire sign (Sara Poiron, Shira, Ray, Johnny Boom Boom, Allie Vining, Zachary, Patrick Reed) implies strong assertive tendencies, high energy levels, and trouble working under superiours. Mars in an earth sign (Deya, Bad Beef) implies strategic levels of assertiveness in concert with high levels of energy. Mars in an air sign (the Pegger, Theresa and Jessika) implies deliberation, consultation and second thoughts about the course of ones progress, often leading to slow but effective progress on projects. Mars in a water sign (Jατασyα, Farrell, the Gus, Matthew Hart, Morgan, Jennn, Michæl Nace, Nathan VanHooser) implies low energy levels and poor assertive tendencies. The worst place for Mars is probably Pisces (the Gus, Jατασyα) and the best place is probably Capricorn (Deya). Perhaps the reason Big Fun is so dissolute is that there are so many who hang out at Big Fun with proud Mars drowning in water signs.

Matthew Hart in the Big Fun kitchen, January 1996

Matthew Hart-an affable resident of Waynesboro, in need of excitement and blessed with the proper (if uncommon) mindset, Matthew Hart took up residence in the library of Big Fun in late January 1996. He adapted well to the conditions there, and was quite well accepted, one could say. As erratic as any other resident, he still is in search of that grand coup that will create a sense of fulfillment in his life, for the time being anyway. In the mean time, what with the Pegger's T-bird having been totaled and all such unpleasantness as that, Matthew became an important transportation service; his Escort is in excellent shape and there is no better drunk driver on Earth than Matthew Hart. The ID that says he's over 21 has a picture on it that more resembles an Arab Terrorist than the Carlo Rossi-toting Frat-boy-mocking Matthew I know.

With the third world conditions that attend Big Fun since Appalachian Power cut the juice, Matthew decided more comfort could be had living with his folks in Waynesboro and Staunton. So he moved out of Big Fun on June 1st 1996.

McGuffey-on 2nd Street above the Downtown Mall in an old school building a city-funded art center has been established. This is "The McGuffey Art Center." On the first Friday of any month, along with bozART, Gallery Neo, etc., one can expect to find art openings with free vino and eats at this place. It is good protocol at such openings to act as though you are interested more in the art than in the food and vino. Matthew Hart frequently parks his Vomit Comet in the McGuffey parking lot.

meat-food made from a lifeform that, when intact, has a face. Some people who are part of the Big Fun scene, girls mostly, do not eat meat. These include Matthew Hart, Sara Poiron, the Pegger, and Deya. At Big Fun, the reason for most people's vegetarianism seems to be connected with animal rights. This is not true of Matthew Hart's vegetarianism, however. Famous vegetarians in history include such people as Adolph Hitler and Franz Kafka.

mediocrity-a state of nonexcellence that typifies the human condition. Even the most exceptional people are in a state of mediocrity 99% of the time. This is mostly the existential philosophy of Sara Poiron, perhaps lifted here and there from others, but making perfect sense to me all the same. The only people aware of our mediocrity are our friends, who have known us to be decidedly boring most of the time. The only people who worship our excitingness are those who do not know us and only see our fruits: our music, our graffiti, our writing, our art, our children, our mayhem, our criminal records, our urine samples. They only see the needles and need not contend with the haystack.

megging-under the influence of nutmeg. This is not a particularly pleasant experience; it is rather like being poisoned. When the Gus took nutmeg, he took four heaping teaspoons and by the time the visuals kicked in, he just wanted to sleep. The bath the next day was the best ever, however.

Mellow D in the Big Fun kitchen, Dec 16, 1995. Note the bottle of tussin on the table. From videotape shot by the Gus

Mellow D-one of the employees of Integral Yoga, Mellow D, a Pisces, for some reason developed an interest in Big Fun. The person with whom Mellow D related most of all was the Pegger, with whom she enjoyed doing yoga and other eastern enlightenment exercises.

Mellow D is one tough chick. Don't think you're going to be able to push her around. She exercises every day and bristles with muscles. Her crunchy manner of talk (replete with "Righton"s and "I'm all over that"s) and her three-foot-long dread locks would give one the impression that the aggressive punkish attitude of Big Fun might be a little off-putting for Mellow D. But no, she likes the "darker" attitude of Big Fun. Since the boys in black started hanging out, however, there has been very little of Mellow D seen. Perhaps the spirit of Gigi Allin and Jessika's violent weekends have scared Mellow D away.

Mercury-the closest planet to the sun. It orbits the sun once every 88 days and never gets more than 20 degrees from the sun. Thus, in an astrological chart, it is always within either the sun sign or an adjacent sign. Most people have Mercury in their sun sign. Some people who don't include Theresa (Mercury in Leo), Nathan VanHooser (Mercury in Gemini), Johnny Boom Boom (Mercury in Cancer), Shira and Zachary (Mercury in Taurus), Matthew and Deya (Mercury in Capricorn) and Jennn (Mercury in Virgo). The implication of Mercury being in a sign adjacent to the sun sign is that ones thoughts and intellect will be different from ones sense of self. Thus though Jennn might feel she is a Libra, seeking balance, beauty and affection, her Mercury in Virgo makes her conversationally and intellectually analytical. Mercury rules Gemini and Virgo. The best place for Mercury is Aquarius (Farrell, the Gus and Morgan Anarchy) and the worst place for Mercury is Taurus.

meta-punk-the name of the movement of a group punks who have since given themselves over to Russian Orthodox Monasticism. The meta-punks publish a zine called Death to the World that details their pro-afterlife/anti-things-of-this-world philosophy. The meta-punks have never actually been met by the members of the Big Fun community, but their middle-aged colleagues (who run a mobile Russian Orthodox bookstore) have.

On Friday, May 3rd, the Gus and Jessika decided on a whim to look around in the bookstore, which is a white camper complete with a golden onion dome. It was parked at the time in front of the Advance Store near Chap's on the Downtown Mall. Inside the bookstore, in addition to the religious texts and zines were countless Byzantine icons of the sort so appreciated by Matthew Hart and Johnny Boom Boom. And such obviously alternative kids as ourselves were offered one zine each for free! Soon most of the Big Fun people were there in force, dazzled by the icons, and intrigued by the concept of the "meta punk." We sat outside, sipping our vino and reading interesting things from the zines to each other out loud. Later, walking down the mall, we chanted "Death to the World!" to perplexed onlookers.

In the final analysis, the free zines weren't that interesting; they seemed to be a bit of niche marketing designed to interest nihilists such as ourselves in Christianity. The meta-punks are probably no more punk than the Jews for Jesus are Jewish. The zines did rekindle a desire that the members of Big Fun, especially Sara, have had for publishing our own zine, one not contaminated by preachiness.

Mexico-a place where one can live indefinitely from small savings of American dollars. Life in Mexico is characterized by practically free kind buds, cheap & abundant gourmet food, fishbowl-sized margaritas, sunny skies, warm beaches, and plentiful if toothless Mexican girls who will do anything that any American boy requests of them. This was the impression given to the guys of Big Fun by Two Point Five Children and their Philadelphia friends who had just returned from Mexico. The impression was so profound that Matthew Hart convinced Zachary and the Gus (the latter in a remarkably receptive mood that day) to join him in a voyage to Mexico to escape Charlottesville, the Malvern Girls, Tandem, and the problems of the world. Luckily and predictably, though, this voyage never took place.

Meyers-Briggs Personality Profile-by answering a long series of questions, one can have his personality assessed. Depending on the nature of the questions and who came up with them, different aspects of personality will be revealed and, upon analysis, perhaps presented in a quick and easy format. One such test, the one employed at Big Fun, is the Meyers-Briggs Personality Profile. Using a Macintosh computes, the administration of the test is easy and the analysis is automatic. The taking of the test is highly annoying...to such an extent that such people as Morgan Anarchy may well be untestable unless suitably drugged or bribed.

The results of the Meyers-Briggs Personality test are encapsulated and presented as a four letter profile which characterizes one of sixteen types of personalities based on four continua: Extrovert-Introvert, Sensing-iNtuition, Thinking-Feeling, Perceiving-Judging. Interestingly, with the one exception of Weirdo Dan (see "ISTP"), at least half of the personality types have never been found at Big Fun: those that are on the Sensing side of the Sensing-iNtuition continuum. Either those types are rare or they are uncharacteristic of anyone who would ever hang out at Big Fun.

Michæl Nace, from a photo taken 12-95 by the Gus.

Michæl Nace-the singer/guitarist for Drill for Absentee, this Aries is full of spunk and poetic literary faculty. He tends to be a bit naïve about certain things; this might just be his "gee whiz" nature poking through. One thing that even Michæl Nace has to admit to is that he takes his music entirely too seriously. But to be a rock star, you have to take yourself seriously. I sure hope Michæl Nace eventually does become a rock star and emo can be to the late 90s what grunge was to the early 90s. In the mean time, Michæl Nace is a good boy; he goes to Catholic Mass every Sunday.

Mickey's-one of the better quality Malt Liquors, it is best when drunk from old school wide-mouth 12 oz. bottles. Occasionally it has the skunky smell of Moosehead or kind buds. My fondness for Mickey's has gone downhill ever since it started coming out in a me-too 32 oz. bottle.

microencephallatic-someone who has a congenital abnormality in which his cranium above the eyes is woefully inadequate in size to contain a brain sufficient for anywhere near normal intelligence. Such people have heads that appear to be nothing but face. A tuft of hair is all they have for cranial carpeting. Microencephallatics live a happy life devoid of worries and hygiene. They find their ways into traveling shows as circus curiosities and fairground freaks. Naturally, Jessika finds microencephallatics fascinating. She wishes she had several as companions at Big Fun. Her drawings of microencephallatics are both poignant and hysterically funny.

Millers-a bar on the Downtown Mall where people tend to go when they feel adult and trendy. The music is always Jazz, and the cover charge, though not excessive, is annoying. Most of the people who hang out in Millers are new to the area and trying to meet people like themselves.

mister mouse-the name given to every mouse seen in the kitchen of Big Fun. Apparently "mister mouse" lives in the electric oven and has killed himself on several occasions by leaping into the standing water in the undrainable sinks nearby.

Moe-the nickname that Jennn gave to Jessika. It occasionally crops up when used by Sara.

mohawk-a strip of hair left on the top of the head, running from front to back. Mohawks are not usually very evident unless they are spiked (see "spike"). Morgan Anarchy has a mohawk that is spiked most of the time, and his spikes seem to be very resistant to being crushed. Ray had a mohawk in March, 1996, but it wasn't as evident since it was not often spiked.

monosodium glutamate-a white crystalline organic compound having the formula COOH-(CH2)2CH(NH2)COONa. Monosodium glutamate is normally called "MSG" at Big Fun. It imparts a meaty flavour to the foods it is added to. Most vegetarians, whether they admit it or not, have metabolisms that desperately crave meat. Thus they find themselves addicted to and continually craving MSG. This is why Krunchers are so popular to some at Big Fun. There may be other, more biochemical, reasons for MSG's addictiveness. Fast food franchises are wise to this characteristic of MSG and each appears to be contributing to an MSG-race in a competitive effort to make its food the most addictive and thus maximize its core customer base. It would be difficult to add much MSG to a cheeseburger without making it taste funny, but the taste of Chinese food is the taste of MSG. That probably accounts for its enormous popularity.

Moon, the-the Earth's only natural satellite. In astrology, position of the Moon bears on emotions, feelings, and caring tendencies. The Moon rules Cancer. The Moon in a fire sign (Theresa, Morgan, Yayson, Sara, Zachary, Bad Beef, Allie Vining) implies volatile emotions. The Moon in an earth sign (The Gus, Jennn, Michæl Nace) implies deep but controlled emotions. The Moon in Libra is a common trait among Big Fun people; The Pegger, Shira and Deya (and Patrick Reed) all have it there. This implies weak, indecisive but affectionate emotions. Moon in Gemini (Farrell) implies superficial emotions, even coldness. The Moon in a water sign (Jessika, Matthew Hart, Nathan VanHooser) implies empathy, sadness, jealousy. The worst place for the Moon is probably Aries (Morgan Anarchy, Yayson) and the best place is probably Taurus (Jennn).

Morgan Anarchy-the name commonly given to Morgan O'Kane. Morgan, an Aquarius, spent his early childhood living in the very same house that is now Big Fun; there is a photo of him as a small child in the front yard, a photo that was re-posed when he turned 18 on Feb. 11, 1996. Coincidental with his turning 18, Morgan dropped out of his miserable experience as a student at Murray High School.

Morgan's passions in life include covering surfaces with spray paint, and singing for his punk rock band Needlework (not surprisingly, many of his lyrics are about his love for spray paint).

Life has not always been easy for Morgan, and his being a rebellious punk rocker is sincere and heartfelt. Morgan's latest problem has been with Eric the Huffanator Huffman, who claims that several months ago Morgan "sucker punched" him in a mosh pit. Upon learning Morgan had turned 18, Eric showed up in town partly to kick Morgan's newly-adult ass. Instead, however, upon arrival at Big Fun, Eric got into a shoving match with Matthew Hart.

Morgan's name has been a source of some punful humour, especially at the hands of Ray Snabley. Sometimes Ray recites a limerick, the punch line of which is that Morgan's name consists of a "big M and a little organ." On Morgan's 18th birthday, in celebration of the end of his parole for the Tandem and UVA spray paint spree, his birthday cake was covered with frosting of lobotomy red, and on it was written "mORGAN is free!" in bile black.

Morgan on the Corner, from a photo taken Fall 1995 (left) and from a photo by Jonathan Hayward 6-4-96 (right)

Morgan's caricature as drawn by Ray, March 1996 (left) and Jessika (right)

Morgan Section-the part of any store where cans of spray paint are displayed. If you know Morgan is with you in a dollar store somewhere, the easiest way to find him is to cock your head and listen for the sound of someone shaking a spray paint can.

mosh-to careen about to fast loud music, smashing mostly non-injuriously into both your friends and the posers in the process. The beat of such music is so fast, it doesn't pay to try to keep time with your body movements. Have a good time and worry about your bruises and missing teeth tomorrow, that is, if you survive.

mosh pit-the part of the floor where moshing takes place. The mosh pit is rarely fixed in position and it expands and contracts depending on how many people are moshing. Normally, though, the mosh pit is to be found directly in front of the stage where the music is being performed.

Mount Olympus-a mushroom-shaped marble structure that in the summer serves as a water fountain on the Downtown Mall across from Chaps. In December, members of the Grand Air Trine stood on this structure and proclaimed their dominion over the Downtown Mall, followed by excerpts from Don Mueller's tirades, including such lines as "Further incursions by Jenny Mothershead across the Manchurian line will NOT be tolerated!"

Mudhouse-this coffee shop on the Downtown Mall adjacent to bozART must be run by a bunch of Libras because everyone there is so tolerant of outrageous acts like Big Fun takeovers (complete with a 12-foot steel pea shooter) and monopolization of the one computes, which is Internet-equipped and handy for sending Dan Reitman E-mail. Such tolerance has largely erased an initial feeling by Jessika that the place is pretentious. Mudhouse is perhaps the most expensive place to buy coffee in all of Charlottesville; their tiny 8 ounce cup costs a dollar! But with their black leather couches, it somehow seems almost worth it.

multinational contingent-the largely female group consisting of the Brazilian Girls, Karen the German Girl, Annie the Taurus (who is American) and occasionally others, such as a German guy. They all love to drink to excess and are forever in search of excitement in any form.

munchkin pole-a blue pole that the Gus used as a prop when he would do his "Little Munchkin Dance." The little munchkin dance was a bit of silliness the Gus used to illustrate a story Jessika told about an ugly little Neanderthalesque doll in her room; it seems some children thought it was a real live munchkin when they saw her petting it one fine day. Upon hearing this story, the Gus said, "wouldn't it have been cool had suddenly the Munchkin hopped up and..." (at which point the Gus, despite his sobriety, grabbed a blue mop pole and began to sing and dance) "I'm a little munchkin, yes I am, and I live in a stump..." to Jessika's undue amusement.

mutable-an astrological term referring to an ability to communicate and be flexible, couple with poor assertive tendencies. Astrological signs that are mutable are Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius and Pisces. The sun leaves these signs at the end of each of the four seasons. Both Jessika and Sara Poiron have mutable crosses, which means heavenly bodies in all four mutable signs. This makes them good communicators (in completely different ways), but their capacity for carrying through on projects suffers.

My Anus-what Shira calls Uranus (which is in Scorpio) in her astrologic chart.

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