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Spontaneous Actual Tussin Occurrence

by the Gus

We'd said our goodbyes to Jennn and Michæl Nace, so now it was time to get on with our lives. How better to do that then the drinking of the immortal Tussin? The Pea Shooter had assumed by this time an importance all its own, and its being ten feet long was not going to be reason to abandon it on the Downtown Mall. It rode somehow as a passenger diagonally from the back seat behind Peggy the driver across and out the passenger window next to Zachary. Owing to the awkward and restraining nature of the Pea Shooter, getting into and out of the car was not an easy operation, though many of us did at a gas station en route to Scottsville (trying to find Tussin DM of course). At the gas station a couple of local guys felt it important to inform Sara and Jessika that they are sexy. Sara retaliated with a screaming fit that perhaps included "I am Sharkface!" along with considerable drooling and spitting, concluding with, "You wanna fuck me now?" We proceeded south into Scottsville proper, to a dollar store near the IGA (we'd been unimpressed with IGA Tussin two weeks before). As luck would have it, we found a form of Tussin DM called "Good Sense" there. It only cost $2 for 4 oz, and that was to be the recreation of Sara and Jessika. My fun was already in my possession, having been purchased at the Food Lion in Staunton on Friday night along with a 3 litre bottle of Carlo Rossi Paisano, some of which still remained. The dollar store proved an excessive diversion, and we were there for a long time as hats and sunglasses were tried on by everyone and plastic-bagesque handbags and jackets were ogled by Sara.

Next we went into the "Lovin' Oven," a cafeteria nearby in the same strip mall. We mainly just sat around and enjoyed the warmth, though both Josh and Zach ordered food. Now the Lovin' Oven may have been a very classy establishment in the eyes of its regular customers, and to us it might well have been an interesting sociologic experience (not to completely dwell in the ether or anything). But in fact the place was too well lit, the counters and booths too austere, the presence of the video games too commanding, and most of all, the ugliness of the customers too apparent. The place just wasn't good, in a Cleveland Greyhound Station kind of way, though maybe I will go back again on some future day and enjoy the place much more. In truth, I was too proximo to tonight's Tussin adventure to enjoy things like the Lovin' Oven which, be whatever they may, were delays to the real Poironian purpose for living: Tussin Euphoria.

In the kitchen of the House, the Tussin was drunk and the mouths were rinsed out, and the fun was anticipated. We had a little fun shooting crude missiles through the Pea Shooter in the second floor hallway. Soon, I was also running the video camera in hopes that interesting things would happen. As I learned later while looking at the videotape that was recorded, nothing of great interest really did happen. We were for the most part just amusing in and of ourselves, as a string of in-jokes. Fuel for these jokes was the sudden return of Michæl Nace and Jennn, something Sara had anticipated, but mostly jokingly. On the tape Jessika says "They're never gonna leave...never" and Sara says "They have no interest in leaving. And I'm Tussing my face off! Tussin. Tussin. Here let me show you (reaching to get a bottle to show the camera)." As Sara goes to make a pot of coffee, Jessika warns her not to, with an allusion to last week's Tussin experience. Sara says "I can make coffee....I made a damn good stir-fry when I was on Tussin" and Jessika reminds her "I know but you threw all the vegetables out." Next Josh "jokingly" addresses Sara as "sexy" (an allusion to the gas station incident earlier that day) and she says "Why are you trying to hurt me on purpose, Josh?" and Josh says "I don't know....I was just thinking to myself like you really do look like beautiful with short hair, like ten fold." And Sara responds, "Well thank you, beautiful is much nicer than that other word." Jessika then mentions that Michæl Nace has said, "You're all so cute" to which she'd said "We're ugly, mean and nasty." There is plenty of humming and singing of "Camptown Races" - a song I recently claimed to have written at the age of six (it does fit within the genré my style of speaking rather well).

Mellow D's arrival was happily anticipated by everyone. Jessika had the idea that we could "pretend it's Mellow D's birthday." But Sara thought "birthdays are so old; why don't we just pretend it's Mellow D's day...we know damn well she's a Pisces." When Mellow D actually did arive, she hung out for a long time in the kitchen with just me running the camera and Jessika Tussing in the wheel chair. She was telling Jessika her various artistic ideas, including, among other things, covering our NUDE bodies with paint and then playing some demented form of twister. I was running the video camera during all of this. For the most part Mellow D was hiding behind her three foot long dread locks (which Jessika and I think she dyes black). And Jessika seemed to be at a complete loss for either things to say or coordination. Sara and I were much better off. At one point Sara threw a great meaningless fit for me to record on videotape. She also did a number of things like slap me around with her weak little arms and bite me...things that perhaps reflect her Attention Deficit Disorder.

I kept finding everything Michæl Nace was doing and saying highly irritating. I resented FEELING as though I had to laugh at all his unfunny jokes and half-baked wit. In this respect, he was reminding me of Josh Smith in more ways than probably were warranted. I told Jessika that I hadn't really believed in Astrology until tonight...that the similarity between Josh and Michæl Nace was evidently entirely the result of the sun being in Aries at the time of their birth. Jessika seemed a bit surprised that I was only just now a convert to Astrology.

Michæl Nace, Mellow D and we of the Grand Air Trine decided to walk through "The Labyrinth" of trees and fields to visit Peirce and Nelly, whose house is on the same 700 acre tract of land. Peirce and Nelly had once lived on Fontaine Street in Charlottesville only one block from the old of Malvern's place, in a very similar looking house. In fact, one day in the early summer I'd mistaken the Peirce and Nelly House for the of Malvern's and parked on that street, ending up having a conversation with seems months before Nelly had seen my car parked in Blacksburg, VA. Last night Nelly had come over for a visit and she'd impressed us all with her....I don't know...coolness, magnetism and attractiveness. Sara and I especially had fallen in love. I was even saying, with something akin to sincerity, that Nelly had replaced Mellow D as the object of my romantic pursuits (this statement caused Sara to label me a "home wrecker" since Nelly is married to Peirce).

The path through the labyrinth was very muddy. Had it not been so dark, had not every star God ever made been clearly visible in those crystalline ephemeris-free skies, had not a bright star I mistook for Jupiter beckoned us onward, ever onward, and had not the majority of us drunk of the Tussin DM, we surely would have turned back. But no, on we went, avoiding the places where the sky looked up at us from the ground; surely in these places were very cold puddles of water. Pierce and Nelly were not home, so we continued out across route 20 and over towards a brightly lit school. The whole of the time Michæl Nace kept irritating me with repeated references to the dangerous potential of "Good Old Boys."

Then we saw a couple of cars pull into Peirce and Nelly's driveway. Our whole reason for this adventure was finally here! We scrubbed the idea of checking out the school (though Jessika did so reluctantly) and returned to P&N's house and they let us in enthusiastically. The Dragon was there; she belongs to P& N and not the farmers, as we'd originally concluded. It now seems obvious that such a wise and wonderful dog would of course, if coming from any place in this region, come from the gentle and good Peirce and Nelly. The Dragon seemed to be very good friends with one of the cats that she lived with. The conversation was laid back and not memorable, but it solidified the favourable impressions we had already formed. Since both Peirce and Nelly are Virgos, Sara had to finally admit that there was a good side to Virgo. Nelly showed us a series of photographs she and Pierce had taken...some of these were nude or semi-nude and all were black and white and had an appealing artistic quality to them. Jessika wasn't saying much since she was Tussin' her face off. I never noticed any strong effects from the Tussin DM. Either Food Lion Tussin DM is weak or else I've built up a tolerance, something that allegedly comes quickly with DM.

Mellow D had a way of vanishing without warning at various times during the evening. Suddenly we noticed she had gone, and soon enough we wanted to go too. On Nelly's suggestion, we walked through an overgrown field unmarked by any sort of trail, but none too sparsely populated with bushes to stumble over here and there. As we laughed and tripped and Tuss'd through the field, we kept remarking how wonderful Pierce and Nelly are. My way of saying that was "There's nothing at all wrong with them whatever." On the way we were rejoined by Mellow D and then the Dragon (who Peggy had to eventually give a ride home ). By this point we had to walk on 20 since the forest had closed in as a wall to block any other way. A car full of drunken locals saw us and swerved in an impromptu U-turn for a second look, claiming they thought we were a bunch of dead people. You never know about such people, and Michæl Nace and I didn't want to take any chances, climbing the bank and cowering behind some low bushes.

Jennn had remained at the house holding out hopes that Farrell would return as he had claimed he would. But he didn't. So she was left to compose some fiction on the Macintosh. She read it to us, but we couldn't make any sense of it at all. In all fairness to Jennn, our poor comprehension may well have been the result of the Tussin....I know even my best stories don't read well when I'm on Tussin. About this time Mellow D slipped off for the last time this particular night.

I hung out for awhile in Jessika's room with Sara Poiron and Michæl Nace, having another one of those boring late night experiences that feature Jessika up in her loft and me telling believable lies from her bed. The lie of tonight was that when I was in High School and needed a date for the Prom, I asked 60 different girls to go with me but every one of them turned me down. I even gave some depressing details...such as one girl who supposedly said nothing to me, just turning round coolly on her heals and walking away, the look of "Get a clue" or "Yeah right" on her face. Sara and Michæl actually thought I was telling the truth...they must have been figuring that no one ever tells lies about himself that makes him out to be less than he really is. Jessika was on to me though. That's her job, to sit up in her balcony in silent conspiracy with me to know when I'm telling my lies so I can share the satisfaction of lying with someone.

Read some more tales of tussin.

The Big Fun Glossary | the homepage of the author | mail the author