Your leaking thatched hut during the restoration of a pre-Enlightenment state.


Hello, my name is Judas Gutenberg and this is my blaag (pronounced as you would the vomit noise "hyroop-bleuach").


decay & ruin
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Irving housing

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Like my brownhouse:
   leafy greens
Tuesday, March 9 2004
I did a freebie computer housecall for someone today and, as payment, was handed a small bag of marijuana (the Punch Buggy Green of leafy greens). This is the first marijuana since 1997 that I've owned entirely by myself. I can't even remember what it's like to be stoned, although I know it often beats the feeling of being hungover. Marijuana is a good thing to have on hand if you have any hopes of entertaining hip young liberals, working stiffs, and rednecks, particularly those hailing from Woodstock, Stone Ridge, Rosendale, New Paltz, Kingston, Saugerties, or Brooklyn.
When I got home my body was aching for want of carbohydrates, so Gretchen and I went out to the Hurley Mountain Inn for our usual high-carb decadence of French fries and pizza. We were so hungry that we also both got salads. I always forget that Hurley Mountain Inn salads are built on a framework consisting of iceberg lettuce, the Ford Fiesta of leafy greens. Living with Gretchen, I'm spoiled by organic Romaine lettuce, the Mini Cooper of leafy greens.

While we're on the subject of high-carb diets such as the kind I prefer, I'd like to say something about the low-carb (aka Atkins) madness sweeping the nation. Well I remember the nascent Atkins craze back in 1999 when its practice seemed to be just another aspect of dotcom insanity. But to see it now metastasizing out into society in general is truly disturbing. Can people really think that they're doing themselves a favor by eating nothing but fat? The notion is an insult, like George W. Bush is an insult. But, as with George W. Bush, there are plenty of believers. How else can you explain the continuous Atkins references in advertising, or the numerous mentions of Atkins in restaurant menus in the deep South, ones that haven't yet seen fit to offer a single vegetarian option? If you must injure yourself while shedding the pounds, my considered opinion is that a cocaine habit is a much more entertaining and productive way to go.
And how about that new Bacardi commercial, the one that claims Bacardi plus Diet Cola equals zero carbs? This beverage is said to contain 60 calories, calories that are most definitely not fat calories. They must come from the alcohol, which, while technically not a carbohydrate, becomes one by the time your liver is through with it. It's the kind of deceptive accounting we've come to expect from major Republican donors.

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