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Hello, my name is Judas Gutenberg and this is my blaag (pronounced as you would the vomit noise "hyroop-bleuach").


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   trolling Tom Coburn
Wednesday, May 22 2013
At noon today, Gretchen drove off to the Adirondacks to partake in a five-day residency at Blue Mountain Center. They have a lottery every year for Memorial Day Week that is open to alumni, and (as always seems to happen when Gretchen is in a lottery) she'd won. Blue Mountain doesn't encourage connectivity with the rest of the world. Cellphones are banned and there is no WiFi, though, in one major concession, they have network-equipped computers in a dingy basement that can be used. Gretchen was so into the idea of disconnecting from the global communications network that she decided not to even bring a laptop. Her medium, poetry, is best composed on paper far away from distraction. It's terse enough that it doesn't require cut, paste, spelling check, widow & orphan control, and all the other crap that goes into even the simplest of text editors.
Meanwhile back at the house, the day became progressively more and more thundery while I tried to do web development. Eventually the internet became too unreliable to use (as often happens in electrical storms), so I grabbed a beer and plunked down in front of the television.
The stormy weather (which never actually produced any rain) was part of a massive system that had dropped a devastating tornado on Moore, Oklahoma. Despite the normal senatorial inclination to do right by the people they represent, the two troglodyte senators from that long-suffering state (particularly Tom Coburn, who I think is actually the least-awful of the two) were demanding that offsets be found elsewhere in the federal budget before they'd vote for any relief expenditures to help the tornado victims. This had resulted in an explosion of negative feedback on Tom Coburn's Facebook page, and of course I had to join in on the fun. I mostly adopted the standpoint of someone who was supporting Tom Coburn despite the slings and arrows of his greedy constituents and other whiners. Here are some of my posts:

TOM COBURN IS NOT GAY so he does not support gay marriage. He IS NOT GAY! Stop saying he is. Similarly, I could understand Tom Coburn caring about the victims of this tornado if perhaps his roof had been blown off or his wife been crushed beneath a fallen 16th century cabinet full of irreplaceable Ming-dynasty China. But HE'S FINE, people. asking him to care about the victims is like asking him to care about people suffering from Hurricane Sandy or gay people wanting the right to marry. TOM COBURN IS NOT GAY!

What role if any did Benghazi play in the tornado that ravaged Oklahoma? The media doesn't ask these questions but I do.

But stop asking for money, Oklahoma. You are our godliest state and all we can do for you is pray. Also, us job creators need to create jobs with this money!

If those children in those elementary schools had been armed with AR-15s and 30-round magazines, they might have survived the tornado. Thank you, Tom, for protecting our right to carry guns absolutely everywhere. But children in harm's way need guns too!

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