|
|
|
Noah's tidiness issues
Monday, May 13 2002I realized today that Gretchen and I are both deeply involved with issues of language, but our goals are diametrically opposed. Her goal, as a poet, is to enchant language and make it magical in a way that, as a side effect, should completely flummox reductionist thinking. My goal. meanwhile, is to reduce it to its basic atoms, develop theories for reconstructing it automatically, and then hand the process over to "unthinking" machines. And while Gretchen generally has more luck on her end of the spectrum than I do on mine, neither of us can ever arrive at our respective destinations (which, to my way of thinking, are actually the same place).For the past two days, our big fluffy cat Noah has had a little trouble keeping his rear end clean after experiencing movements of his bowels. He doesn't seem to notice anything is amiss and is friendly as ever when he's in such a untidy state. Usually our first clue is a horrendous penetrating odor. Of late, Noah's shit has smelled almost exactly like puke (or, if you'd prefer more appetizing imagery, parmesan cheese). Last night Gretchen dealt with the situation, but tonight she wasn't feeling well and it was my turn. When I went to dab into the fluffy vicinity of Noah's bung hole, I found about a half-teaspoon of yellowish-green poo-poo all tangled up like a nasty punctuation mark in his fur. Complicating matters, the little bugger wouldn't hold still for me, even when I used his tail as a convenient handle.
After I'd done all I could, I noticed that Noah had contaminated a few places where he'd been sitting, including my all-important swivel chair (the place I spend most of my life). This discovery forced me into full-on waste-cleanup mode, with my chair in the role of SuperfundTM site. I used a combination of proven cleanup methods as well as the sort of alchemy likely to be performed by a member of a cargo cult. First I sprayed my seat with Extra Strength FebrezeTM and then hit it with a blast of All Natural Ecco MistTM (intended for humans hoping to freshen the air after going numero dos). Finally, just for good measure, I dumped a shot of cheap vodka on the offensive wet spot, inadvertently "sending one out to all the homies who are no longer with us" in the process.
For linking purposes this article's URL is:
http://asecular.com/blog.php?020513 feedback
previous | next |
