Your leaking thatched hut during the restoration of a pre-Enlightenment state.


Hello, my name is Judas Gutenberg and this is my blaag (pronounced as you would the vomit noise "hyroop-bleuach").


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Like my brownhouse:
   two kinds of grease
Friday, September 19 2014
This afternoon I drove into town mostly for three reasons: to buy more pseudoephedrine for recreational use, to buy some tea for habitual use, and also to buy some grease and degreaser so I can eventually relubricate my jackhammer, which has received heavy use in a punishing abrasive-dust-heavy environment for over a month. While standing in the extremely slow-moving pharmacy line in the Walgreens to get my pseudoephedrine, I thought to myself that perhaps I should smile and show my teeth as I asked for it so I wouldn't trigger any suspicion as a possible manufacturer of methamphetamines. Since getting my punk rock tooth fixed (and fixed again, and again), my teeth have looked pretty good. Meanwhile, the gap I used to have between my top front teeth has narrowed, and my decreased consumption of coffee has made my teeth whiter than they used to be. It's possible that recreational pseudoephedrine use is nearly as bad as methamphetamine abuse, but if that's true, there hasn't been much evidence of it. Indeed, my teeth haven't been this comfortable in years. Ever since that chunk of molar cracked off the other day, eating has been a pure joy because I can do it without the risk of shooting pains. That missing chunk exposed a tender spot on that molar that I can feel when I brush it, but it's a very minor issue.
While shopping for Red Rose and other groceries in the Hannford, I impulsively purchased a half gallon of Mr. & Mrs. T's spicy bloody mary mix, hoping that it could serve as my go-to vegetable cocktail. V8 is deeply unsatisfying and Motts' garden blend (a favorite from a couple years ago) has been discontinued. I took one quaff of Mr. & Mrs. T's in the car and was delighted. It was exactly what I wanted. I immediately used it to wash down a recreation 120 mg dose of pseudoephedrine.
I purchased the grease and degreaser at Advance Auto Parts, along with a pair of cheap LED flashlights to provision the cars (they used to have flashlights, but for some reason those have disappeared). While in that shopping area, I ducked into the reliably-depressing Just A Buck store to see if perhaps they had any cheap plastic one-gallon pitchers. They did not, but they did have a number of scary customers, including the most grotesquely obese woman I have ever seen. There was also one attractive young woman who looked like she might be into whatever the-Cure-like bands Millennials are listening to these days. Ah, to be young, attractive, and so poor you find yourself shopping in a dollar store!

This evening Gretchen went with Nancy and Sarah the Vegan over to Rhinebeck to see a live performance of Grease: the Musical (she didn't even ask if I wanted to come). On their way back across the Hudson, Sarah was driving, and there was a long line on the bridge. This line was being caused, it turned out, by a sobriety check point. I've heard of these being set up on Route 375 to Woodstock, but this was the first time Nancy, Sarah, or Gretchen had ever been snared in one. It turned out, though, that Sarah hadn't consumed any alcohol at all and the other ladies had consumed theirs two or more hours before. The checkpoint policeman asked Sarah where she was driving from, which really wasn't any of his business. But she replied honestly that she'd been to Rhinebeck to see Grease: the Musical. "Did they serve alcoholic beverages there?" he asked, and Sarah claimed (inaccurately, it turns out) that no they didn't. So he waved her through. On hearing this story, I thought it would have been a lot funnier had she said she was coming from a gangbang where she'd had to cope with a penis as thick as a coffee cup. People can have different views about what is and what is not American, but I think we can all agree that throwing up a barricade, systematically stopping cars, and asking their drivers for information that is not the business of the State is not the sort of thing that should be happening in the United States of America.

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