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another BMW in the parking lot
Wednesday, December 1 1999
By any measure, Eric the Web Developer has done well under the new management system. His instant messaging system is doing so well, in fact, that the powers that be are busy figuring out new rules to stifle his bonus checks.
This sudden uptick in Eric's income doesn't really change his overall comfort. He comes from a wealthy family; his Dad was one of the core developers at Sun Microsystems up in Silicon Valley, one of the handful of people who behind the creation of the Java programming language. Instead, Eric's greater cash flow has given him a newfound recklessness with his money. A week or so ago he went out and bought himself a brand new convertible BMW sports car. It's the sort of car that serves no practical purpose whatever. The thing is ludicrously tiny, with seating for only two people and almost no cargo space. Yet it has an enormous 300 horse power engine and can only get 20 miles out of a gallon of gasoline.
Eric took me for a drive in the thing when we went out to lunch today. He was quick to demonstrate the impressive acceleration, the sort that people who snort cocaine must love, but other than that the car seemed like a perversely unnecessary conceit. Indeed, only a few days after buying his new BMW, Eric found out why it is that people with such fancy sports cars are never seen going fast on the freeway. He was doing 73 for only about a mile when the blue and red lights started flashing in his rearview mirror. Speeding lessons come fast when you're driving such an ostentatious piece of iron. Back in the days when Eric only had a Volvo to drive, cops never pulled him over.
With our company awash in investor money, I've observed the median price of cars in the company parking lot lazily climbing skyward. The more money people have, the shallower they get. But I don't play that game. I still ride to and from work on that iron Huffy 12 speed that I bought for $25 at a yard sale in Normal Heights.
Eric has been listening to that recently-released Metallica album, the one that features the erstwhile speed metal band playing with a genuine symphony orchestra (following in the exalted tradition of the Moody Blues, etc.). I gave it a listen and was frankly embarrassed by how horrible it is. Frankly, it sounded to me like Eric had two different radio stations on simultaneously. The symphony orchestra wasn't tuned to the same key as Metallica and didn't seemed to be keeping time with Metallica's traditional rock and roll equipment either. Somebody please drive a stake through the heart of Metallica and stop it from pretending to be alive!
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