While my guts hurt and my body ached, I wasn't nauseated at all and I never feared I would throw up.

I


felt horrible until the moment I got out of Kelly's bed. For some reason, the bed had allowed me to obsess on how sick I felt. Once I was up, I felt much more alive. I could even drink coffee and enjoy it. What had been wrong with me? I suspected food poisoning, though that didn't perfectly fit the symptoms. While my guts hurt and my body ached, I wasn't nauseated at all and I never feared I would throw up.

The day was rainy and cold. Kelly drove me home, and I was pleased to find that Kappa Mutha Fucka hadn't burned down from the night of drunken excess that had no doubt taken place there.

I'm not too proud of my writing while I'm as ill and delusional as I feel.

I was feeling strong enough to work on my musings, so I biked down to Olssen Hall and here I am. The weather is so horrible outside, I feel a little like a prisoner. It's all for the best, I guess; my incarceration here has forced me to buckle down and knock out these entries. I'm not too proud of my writing while I'm as ill and delusional as I feel, but at least I'm more capable than I am on DXM or marijuana.

---

Before too long, I could feel the capsule dissolving in my stomach, unleashing its cosmic energy.

I


  slept most of the afternoon. When I finally awoke, I was again terribly weak. This disease, whatever it was, wasn't going without a fight. I felt as if I knew what it was like to be dying of AIDS.

One consolation was that the bathtub is fully functional. Better still, it's even fairly clean. I took a long protracted bath, with my brownish locks steeped in some of Deya's henna shampoo.

Downstairs, I watched bad movies on pirated cable. If the cable wasn't pirated, I think I'd want my money back.

Deya and Monster Boy were conspiring to make some sort of vegan dish for one of those Abundance House-style Sunday Night vegan potlucks. This potluck wasn't to occur at Abundance House, however. It was scheduled to take place at the Wertland Street residence of my former Dynashack housemates.

Of course, Deya did much of the work. Monster Boy really can't be trusted with vegan food, or really anything that requires effort or skill.

Deya is always bringing home strange health-food novelties from her job at Rebecca's Natural Foods. Today I discovered little capsules of Cayenne Pepper, each rated at 40,000 heat units. Since I was feeling ill and I know Caynenne to be loaded with vitamin C, I ate one. Too bad I was working with an empty stomach! Before too long, I could feel the capsule dissolving in my stomach, unleashing its cosmic energy. I broke into a sweat, and even considered saying, "I really wish I hadn't'a done that!"

You see, I've come to believe that everyone is in love all the time with someone else, though it may not always be with whom you think.

Matthew Hart came home from wherever, and settled into the couch with a Budweiser. Even when cars weren't going by, he'd go to the window to check to see if Angela was arriving. I'd hate to be such a sad pathetic puppy dog. Matthew has been the single strongest reinforcement of my basic inclination not to fall in love (or into anything but the most casual, uncommitted of sexual relationships).

This is not to say that I'm not in love, mind you, but I routinely deny such an unliberated feeling on a conscious level. You see, I've come to believe that everyone is in love all the time with someone else, though it may not always be with whom you think.

D


eya drove Monster Boy and me to the residence of the former Dynashackians. We found Elizabeth and Abundance House Franz on the front porch (they're almost always together, in keeping with Elizabeth's ideal of intimacy). It turned out that the potluck had been canceled. What were we to do?

I suddenly volunteered that he was going to be throwing a big house warming party, with two kegs of Guiness, a keg of Red Hook, the Curious Digit and two goth bands from Richmond, and that everyone present should be sure to go.

We sat in the living room and ate the vegan food Deya had made while drinking some of Friday Night's Carlo Rossi. We were joined by some of the others in the house: Ches, Catherine deGood, Deeohji the Dog, and Natalie the German Girl. I suddenly realized, that everyone in this place (except John Arnold) is blond, either by choice or by genes. Throughout the rest of our conversation, I referred to the house as Blond House.

When it came up that Monster Boy was soon going to be living in his own place, I suddenly volunteered that he was going to be throwing a big house warming party, with two kegs of Guiness, a keg of Red Hook, the Curious Digit and two goth bands from Richmond, and that everyone present should be sure to go. He nodded his head in befuddled amusement. I was doing my part to see to it that Monster Boy pays back his debt to his social scene.

Back at Kappa Mutha Fucka, I was feeling weak again, so I went directly to bed.

---

Get a sense of what I was like exactly one year ago today.

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