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Hello, my name is Judas Gutenberg and this is my blaag (pronounced as you would the vomit noise "hyroop-bleuach").


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   more of that Edwards fire
Saturday, January 5 2008
This evening Gretchen and I went over to Penny and David's boxy wooden house to watch the Republican and Democratic presidential primary debates in New Hampshire on their flatscreen teevee. Others were there, including the woman known as "Orgy" as well as a couple with a very mellow two year old. We actually showed up near the end of the Republican debate, more so that Gretchen could miss the spectacle of meat being eaten than that of Republicans busting on Mitt Romney, the clip-art candidate. Happily, though, I got to see some of the latter while Gretchen missed all of the former. If there was ever a presidential candidate whose face I would like to take to a cheese grater, it would have to be Romney, though that anus Giuliani would be a close second.
During the Democratic debate, Hillary looked tired and perhaps somewhat drugged, although heroic measures had been taken to restore the firmness of her facial tissues. Unfortunately no corrective measures had been taken with Bill Richardson's football-sized wattle. Of the four candidates, Richardson was the most tiresome, though he did present me with an opportunity to launch a perfectly-timed zinger. The moment he said, "When I become President, my cabinet..." I chimed in with "...will consist of flying pigs!" It's difficult to ad-lib witty remarks so quickly, since they first have to pass an internal cerebral vetting process to make sure they don't have, say, egregiously offensive racist implications. Indeed, sometimes my zingers are offensive. Or just plain stupid. But not this one. It was perfect! I'm still occasionally amazed by the computational power of the human brain.
As for the other candidates, I thought Edwards was excellent. I loved his zeal, which had an angry authenticity to it that did much to convince me that he's the real deal, a genuine progressive eager to tell the corporate lobbyists to kindly fuck themselves. Indeed, he was on such fire tonight that when he was interrupted (or otherwise followed) by Obama, the latter's calm precision and easy platitudes came down like a wet blanket. Though he's normally an inspiring orator, I didn't want to hear Obama, I wanted more of that Edwards fire.

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