turn into chores
Tuesday, June 7 2011
I took a second Celexa today, but that was it. No mas. I can't take Celexa for more than two days at a time before hating the person it is turning me into. That person is less anxious and perhaps never feels too bad about anything. But that person never feels too good about anything either, and things that used to be fun turn into chores. Part of the reason why I occasionally experiment with Celexa is to better understand what the drug is doing to Gretchen. But, by comparison to me, she seems a lot more whole under its effects.
The desperately hot air mass blew into the Hudson Valley from the Midwest today, pushing temperatures nearly to 90. Gretchen responded by making a pasta salad for dinner.
Despite the heat, I took a hot bath this evening in the still-cold environment of the basement. While I was down there, I wondered if it was possible to make myself have an orgasm. But, owing to the effects of the Celexa, every time I tried to fantasize about something intensely sexual, my thoughts would wander off to something else. It was very hard to maintain the necessary mental focus, but eventually, through sheer force of will (and, despite the Celexa, I still had a measure of free will), I managed to complete the assignment I'd given myself.
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