Your leaking thatched hut during the restoration of a pre-Enlightenment state.


Hello, my name is Judas Gutenberg and this is my blaag (pronounced as you would the vomit noise "hyroop-bleuach").


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Like my brownhouse:
   extra diameter that comes with winter coats
Monday, January 2 2012
The Garden Café in Woodstock had another of its Monday buffets today, and Gretchen had seen the menu and it looked good. So we met up with Sarah the Vegan there. The place was packed at the time and, with the extra diameter that comes with winter coats, it was hard to find room even to stand around waiting for a table to clear. There was a table that seemed like it was about done, but for some reason it's rare for people who are winding down their meal, see someone waiting for a table, and accelerate the process.
It probably says something about my whole attitude towards life that I feel a little fury inside whenever people deliberate too long over food, even when they're sitting at my table. I love food, but when I eat it I like to get in and then get out again. Otherwise it gets cold, starts to melt, attracts flies, or becomes detectably stale. Also, a three-quarter-eaten portion of anything isn't particularly appetizing to look at, but that's often what you find yourself staring at for the bulk of a lingered-over meal. Then, of course, there's always that little brat in the corner with the ear-piercing screams. How can anyone hear that and not conclude that we are descended from monkeys?
Hey, how about this? When you eat at a restaurant, how about not leaving a half-inch-high dune of organic cane sugar crystals on the table? Do you have any idea how hard that can be to clean up? The crystals adhere to any moist spots on the table, evading sweeping up by the overworked woman trying to run the place. So there they are, waiting for me when I rest my wrists and the palms of my hands upon them. That experience alone can transform a five star restaurant experience into its bastard two-star cousin.
That said, tonight there was a really delicious baked wrap containing cabbage, carrots, and white beans that might have been the best thing I've ever eaten at the Garden Café.

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