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strange cancer
Monday, December 11 2000
The work isn't terribly exciting, but I really like the UK team, all the way up to the CTO and possibly beyond. There may even be a potential for success with this enterprise. Today I became aware of an interesting thing: I am becoming their core tech guy, the one to turn to when the shit hits the fan. I guess I've been their core tech guy from the start, but at this point I have real knowledge in my head, not just the promise of future knowledge. I've never been the core tech guy for such a potentially vast operation; up until now my status as core tech guy never reached much further than the scale of a Bathtubgirl.com or a Vodkatea.com. (Not that the technical achievements of either are anything to sneer at.)
But outside the UK team, I feel an oppressive, suspicious, judgmental energy that I never used to feel. There are all kinds of unspoken issues accumulated with various people, some of whom don't know my name. Some of this is related to my former connection to the old community team; as its sole survivor I bear its concentrated stigma. Then there's the issue of how I behaved on the night of the CD-release party at Lush. That night has left a legacy of more than just tut-tuttery about the drunken scorn I casually heaped on some appalling music. That night also established a beachhead for a strange cancer of jealousy and sexual rivalry, extending in unexpected directions. I feel like I need to get out before payback time comes in all its primitive ruthlessness.
I came home early for lunch today to be around for the UPS man when he delivered my new Linksys router, the only luxury item I've bought in many months. One of my readers had recommended it as an alternative to running a proxy service on one of my computers. Happily, I managed to set it up and get it running during the course of a single lunchtime. It handles all the communication for the DSL modem and allows all the computers on my local network to share the internet connection simultaneously. The main advantage is that now all the internet protocols work with all my computers. Previously, the downstairs PC could manage only FTP and HTTP protocols through the proxy service running upstairs.
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