I understand your disgust with the changes in The Gus's life and why you connected with his writing and the characters in Charlottesville. I am not sure what to say about it. It is hard to measure up with a group of punk rock teenagers. I am 28 now, but I am not quite the yuppie that Gus portrays. He just needs to bitch about something. He has always polarized his characters. A little background on me. . . My friends have always been the strangest and brightest norm breakers in whatever community I lived in. Although, I did not require them to be punk rock in style. But people I know that a reader like you would connect with. I understand why you have grown bored with his site. He is so into his computer programming now. He tells me he doesn't have time for adventure.

Perhaps you can enlighten me on your experiences and how you remain true to these ideals you spit out. I found your criticism thought provoking. If Gus and I stay together, is there any direction you see the site going that would make it more exciting to read? Or, should he truly "ditch the bitch and set out for Newark." (a great line by the way) Believe me, I am not interested in blocking someone's creative spirt. The emotional climate around here is not as negative as is presented by The Gus. I have asked him many times after reading the entries, are you sure you want to stay together? If I was just some random reader, I too would say ditch the bitch. But he say's no, he loves me. Yeah, aint that fucking sweet. No, not really. Randomly has been a big pain in the ass for me. Imagine someone recording your life day in and day out but with a twist that does not come from you. What does a day in the life of you consist of? Some ideas I have for the site (you too would have ideas for a creation that involves you on a daily basis)is incorporating more of a mixed media format, with a lot more video and sound. It can get pretty intense around here, thought provoking, erotic. More interesting than what gets put on Ran. You see, he thinks he has to put me down as the controlling girlfriend to make it more interesting for his readers. The protoganist's fight for freedom. But I agree with you, no one wants to read about a volatile yuppie couple. I know that. But there is so much more here. It might not even be about Gus and I, or Gus and his [employer name]/ pod building interests. I see the everyday life as a backdrop into what is really going on in our psyche. For example, a flitting thought was that I could see myself fucking you. Men like you, have always turned me on. Gus is still there with you, he has just detoured into his lego building, love ditching world. That is why so many writer's choose fiction or poetry as their outlet. Everyday reality is not always full of excitement. The Musings were more of a social documentary. If I lived in Charlottesville, I may have been one of the Big Fun characters too. Do you understand what I am trying to convey? Circumstances and time have a way of changing things. For some reason I think you can enlighten me on this subject without completely demoralizing me. There must be another avenue besides being ditched for Newark or getting knocked up. Is it collaboration?

--Kim

---

wow ,WOW thank you for this that you have sent to me .
let me preface this by saying I was drunk and some what bitter at the time of the writing of that poorly punctuated epistle (that to my chagrin got posted) that's the last time I let the spell check run amok it was, by the way ,supposed to be new york not newark, but I digress thank you for being human and responding , that feeling of being let in was really all I was after, but the gus was always to busy (or something) to pen a even brief response ,after I had read his WHOLE journal ,in reading ,the size of his mammoth EGO became apparent so I thought I could goad him into responding by attacking his sacred creation ,as being an adoring fan had failed . I'm sure on having reread the ill natured crap I sent, that I trod fairly heavily on every perceived short coming I could conjure out of memory ,I would offer apology but I'm not really sorry at all ,as poorly penned as it was the frustration was quite real. you see as a fan and a member of the same generation (I'm twenty five) who grew up in roanoke virginia and evolved into a social freak under somewhat similar circumstances I felt a certain bond could flourish if nothing else because of geographic proximity and similar interests I thought these things should give us some common ground upon which to relate . I found his writing exciting and had hoped to be able to forge a connection with this talented writer and fellow drunk (after all if there is one thing I can't stand it's up.) but no matter what I sent there was no response ,that started to get to me as it might anyone , oh well enough of that . I'm really impressed with you and this intelligent letter you have sent it really helps me to remember that you are a real person the you I have always read about is , I see now a contrived fiction created by the gus ,I like the real you ,or at least the you that comes through in your writing so much more than in Ran.that you is so flat and petty in a way the musings girls never the contrast between the portrayals is stark . I must admit it's strange and wonderful to get this closer angel from which to view your character,and buy the way thanks for the eros,it's stirring to have some woman you have never met say she has thought about fucking you. I wonder how I look in your fantasy,well I tend to break delicate things,as I carelessly run rough shod over ideas and feelings without meaning to in my careless drunken exuberance ,so this time I'll take charge and shatter your fantasy on purpose I'm six foot, 180,chest length bright dark red haired male of scott /german decent,so next time you think of fucking me you will have a visual guide and oh this has been a lovely shock thank you for this gift of your time and thought .here's one for you crushed ice and pop rocksss. as for how to make ran. morinteresting you should have mirror entries (Random heavenly laughter ) or some such,the contrast would be refreshing and it would give the gus a taste of his own medicine. oh and how about a picture of you that would be nice your still this ephemeral ghost woman I would like to see your package the skin wrapper. is your body as lovely as your thoughts? please forgive me my crassness it's a part of my defensive porcupine spines that sort of thing

"I rest in the center of a storm,
batterd and torn by thoughts to real,
as I sit on this blasted ground
all my hopes scatterd round
the casualties of war.
I crawl through my life
searching for answers
raving to any who will listen
with passions so true
the lies seem real
lost hope lost years
lost love bitter tears
fall into the cremated
remains of my past.
the battels I've won
this is the cost
my mind torn
mouth full of dust
face in the frost
slowly my color fades to grey"

thank you again for being kind and opening you self to me
I truly appreciate it , it means allot really

holomos coppertone

P.S. the gus talked about music again YAHOO!

(Some people who should know better are proving themselves kind of dumb, trying to unsubscribe from my mailing list with "UNSUBSCRIBE" written to the list's mailing address, gus-l@spies.com instead of the list server's mailing address, majordomo@spies.com.)

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