Your leaking thatched hut during the restoration of a pre-Enlightenment state.


Hello, my name is Judas Gutenberg and this is my blaag (pronounced as you would the vomit noise "hyroop-bleuach").


decay & ruin
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Irving housing

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   goth gossip
Sunday, February 23 1997

Insightful thing to say today: Spiked collars make about as much sense as neckties.

I'm at UVA's Cocke Hall as is normal on a Sunday morning. One guy working here has to keep getting up to smoke a cigarette. He reeks afresh everytime he comes back from the outdoors. I think my body odour is pretty rank this morning but it doesn't compare to the foulness of his clothes. What people will do to feed their addictions...

The air has become more seasonal today. But it's still nice outside. The sun shines brightly. I feel good about myself and about my place in the world, though I have an idea that I might need yet another group of friends as a backup for situations like last night when all my social situations fail to entertain. Of course, I could start doing more with my four track. With all due arrogance I now contend, "The World would be a better place if I did."

I made a fews stabs at four track recording that were better in execution that previous attempts. Yes, in this case I rehearsed just a tiny bit before recording. That made everything go much better. But the "songs" I created were monotonous enough to indicate rehearsal combined with more complex composition is necessary. This isn't like painting, where I can "just begin painting." I have to have a plan, work on that plan, master that plan, then record based on what I've practiced. Anything gained beyond that is just icing on the cake. In many respects, mastering multitrack recording is a delicate process of learning (in my case by trial and error) in which order to take which steps.

I had a remarkably boring day, punctuated by events such as nap taking. In the end, in the evening, I went to Theresa and Persad's place and ended up watching a movie. They were getting along much better than last night. They sat beside me on the couch and kissed each other noisily like some sort of dispassionate bodily function. I could have been disgusted, but I was just happy they weren't fighting.

The night before my first viewing of Brazil, I'd seen Eraserhead with Jessika while we both were on Ritalin.
The movie was Brazil. I don't think it's mentioned anywhere in the Big Fun Glossary, but I tried to watch Brazil once before, at Big Fun during the Storm of the Century with Jessika and Matthew Hart. That time we'd all ended up falling asleep. It had been too complicated to follow in our mental states at the time. This time I had more luck in understanding it all, perhaps this time facilitated by the strange intense but jumpy focus that marijuana brings to a mind such as mine. Okay, I still don't understand it all. But it's a film mostly about the oppressiveness of a bureaucracy-based utopia. Well...dystopia, actually, since all the normal human failings are there: love, greed, sloth and idealism. In one scene, people are all dressed up, eating and conversing at a fancy restaraunt when guerillas smash through the wall and engage in a skirmish with government forces. Such events are so commonplace, though, that people resume conversing and eating and the string quartet resumes playing while the battle rages on the other end of the dining room. The stifling nature of the bureaucracy, partly carried out by the cool irrationality of machines, can be seen as a sort of "bureaucratic asthma" sickening the entire government, preventing anything like freedom or happiness from ever taking place. For all its interesting and subtle variances from the norm of filmmaking, the movie's production values, mood music and acting styles seem time-worn and dull to me. You see, During the Storm of the Century, this aspect may have been the thing that kept me from immersing myself in it enough to appreciate it. The night before my first viewing of Brazil, I'd seen Eraserhead with Jessika while we both were on Ritalin. And Eraserhead is so fucking weird that Brazil had been a let down. Everyone had hyped Brazil as such a weird movie, but it just looked like another 80s movie once I'd seen Eraserhead.

At midnight we drove out to the Eastern Standard (a "gay bar" near the west end of the Downtown Mall) to pick up Monster Boy, who'd been washing dishes there. Theresa and Persad had to go to sleep early in preparation for a Monday of activities, so they let Monster Boy and me out on Wertland, and he and I went to my house. On the way we stopped and chatted with Josh Mustin and what appears to be his new girlfriend, an insipid little baby-face who might still be able to get on circus rides for half price. We discussed the violence of my birthday night. I assured Josh that Theresa isn't particularly mad at him despite what happened.

Monster Boy and I sat in the Dynbashack living room discussing all manner of things, gossip mostly. Here is a list of some of the points raised:

  • Theresa and Persad fight so much that it's like the weather. You just sit there and deal with it and wait for it to pass. They are comfortable fighting in front of their friends, and are more than willing to clue everybody present in on what the issues being "discussed" are. They are open about everything from petty jealousies to sexual liasons.

  • Apparently Aaron, Theresa's sister's boyfriend, used to HATE Persad because he was envious of his relationship with Theresa. Aaron wished to have Theresa for himself but instead had to settle for her younger sister Angela. After Theresa and Persad beat the hell out of the Weirdo Doug, however, Aaron has been more friendly to Persad. Now he comes by Goth Central with some regularity.

  • Some interpret the beating of the Weirdo Doug and the stabbing of Josh Mustin as signals put out by Theresa and Persad advertising what they do to people who displease them.

  • The Weirdo Doug was never well liked by Theresa and Persad; they merely tolerated him because he was an occasional source of drugs. When he tried to assert that he meant more to them than they thought he did, that is when the conflict erupted.

  • ...but in fact the tequila was just to give her the courage to ask if she could have sex with Doug.
    Monster Boy told me the depressing story of how Rebecca ditched him. It seems he, Monster Boy, wanted to find out the Weirdo Doug's side of the beating story and so was more tolerant of Doug's coming by to hang out with him and his then-girlfriend Rebecca. But Rebecca and Doug hit it off well for some reason; they enjoyed comparing notes on the various prescription drugs they took for their emotional problems. Doug also provided Rebecca with astrological and other pseudo-scientific advice. Monster Boy thought little of this; the Weirdo Doug was annoying, a mosquito, a dork. It was inconceivable that anyone, especially Rebecca, would ever fall in love with him. But one day the three went on a run to buy marijuana some 40 miles away. Rebecca had Monster Boy pick up some tequila before they set out and while Rebecca and Weirdo Doug waited for him in the car, they had their first kiss. When Monster Boy came back to the car they acted like nothing was different. Then, on the long drive, Rebecca came slithering to the back seat and whispered in Monster Boy's ear that she was no longer interested in a fully monogamous relationship; that they should both have sex with other people. "You wanna have sex with Doug?" Monster Boy asked incredulously. "Yes..." she replied. Monster Boy was sure that he didn't want to even touch Rebecca once she had sex with Doug. So that's when Monster Boy and Rebecca broke up. It happened early this month, after (not before, as I stated yesterday) Weirdo Doug was beaten up by Theresa and Persad. I commented jokingly that Rebecca likes the "scratch and dent department" in the store of boyfriends. Oh...and the tequila purchased on that fateful night: Monster Boy had assumed it was for romantic purposes between himself and Rebecca, but in fact it was just to give her the courage to ask if she could have sex with Doug.

  • I mentioned that Theresa's manipulativeness reminds me a bit of Heather Bissel (who I then explained). In the same way, it is likely that Theresa isn't consciously aware of the signals she sends to friends and enemies with her mix of generocity, physical aggression, seduction and exclusiveness. But she manages to keep Persad perpetually jealous but still wrapped around her finger while maintaining a cadré of devoted friends.

  • Monster Boy and I discussed the isolation created by cult-leader-like friends (such as Heather Bissel, and to a lesser extent, Theresa) and how their tendency to isolate their "subjects" leaves those "subjects" friendless should they attempt to break free. Monster Boy pointed out that this is also the case when someone tries to break free of an intimate relationship. A boy finds all his friends have gone on to better things and in anycase are not eager to be rainy-day friends. Especially depressing is for a boy to discover all his friends were really her friends. They might still like you, but they owe most of their loyalty to the girl who even now rakes you over the coals. Joining a relationship is to form a cult of two.

  • Monster Boy also told me about the Theresa, Persad and "a certain female Aquarian heroin addict" (ACFAHA) LOVE TRIANGLE. Yes, back in December, Theresa somehow convinced Persad and ACFAHA to join her in an intimate way in the Goth Central bed. But what ended up happening was that Persad and ACFAHA really hit it off in a sexual way. Theresa wasn't mad, though. She was philosophical. This was her karmic punishment for having ever asked to do the old three-way to begin with.

  • We touched briefly on the subject of Jessika. I said it was Jessika who originally came up with the name of "Monster Boy" (Theresa had told him I had originated the term the fateful night of December 20th when I'd been all depressed and jealous that Jessika had ditched me to spend the night with him). We didn't discuss my feelings and possible hostilities concerning the Dec 20th events. In anycase, it's not something for which I could ever justly blame Monster Boy.

I went to bed at about 2am.

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