Your leaking thatched hut during the restoration of a pre-Enlightenment state.


Hello, my name is Judas Gutenberg and this is my blaag (pronounced as you would the vomit noise "hyroop-bleuach").


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   white trash crafts
Sunday, December 17 2006
I don't know why I even bother going into the Michæls that exists across the parking lot from Lowes off 9W North of Kingston. The place always disappoints in exactly the same way, but for some reason I always develop amnesia for this disappointment. The store is supposed to be an arts and crafts store, but it has a dreariness inside I've only seen in Goodwill Industries and dollar stores (and the Staunton K-mart back before, like the trilobite it was, it went extinct). At Michæls a good quarter of store is given over to aisles racked with pre-woven basket-based assaults on not just good taste, but the absence of taste as well. Instead of having a section devoted to bookmaking, the relevant aisle is labeled "scrapbooking," as if the only sort of person who would ever be compelled to create her own book would be a dying grandmother with a head full of precious memories. I'd come here today partly in search of jewelry supplies, but I must have been kidding myself if I thought they'd stock silver wire or metal working tools. In the universe to which Michæls caters, the only jewelsmiths are eleven year old girls stringing beads.
Gretchen summed up the problem with Michæls this way, "They're for white trash crafts." If you're into making owls out of googly eyes and pine cones or heavily-pixelated signs praising the sweetness of home, Michæls is your store. For all other needs Gretchen suggested I try Catskill Art and Office Supplies. Gretchen loves the Kingston CAOS because, supposedly, they have a picture of Sally the dog on their cash register, taken on one of the many times she rampaged through the store.

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